


Better Latte Than Never

by GreenPurple18



Category: Night at the Museum (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Attila owns a tea shop and I have no idea how that happened, F/M, I Don't Even Know, Jedediah and Lancelot are waitors, Larry is a cashier, M/M, McPhee owns a coffee shop, The story takes place in a fictional city I made up, and Sacajawea bakes, and when they make eye contact the first time after the name appears there's a spark, at age 20 the name of a person's soulmate appears somewhere on their body, genderfluid nicky daley, may or may not add tags as the story progresses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-10-08
Packaged: 2018-04-10 20:54:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 25,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4407320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenPurple18/pseuds/GreenPurple18
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jedediah was not known for being clumsy, but when he takes a miscalculated step, an unpublished author comes into his life and will stay there forever.<br/>Octavius normally has an eye for details, but he can't seem to keep in mind that name tags are a thing. He would love to know just who the waiter he keeps bumping into is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Spilt Coffee and First Impressions

**Author's Note:**

> Please take note a couple of things:  
> 1\. This is my first fanfiction for the NatM fandom  
> 2\. I have no beta, so it's probably full of mistakes  
> 3\. I just don't know what I'm doing anymore
> 
> This story is dedicated to tumblr user guardianofontario. I probably never would have actually written this if not for him.
> 
> If you do notice any mistakes or inconsistencies, please let me know. (for example, I keep trying to give the coffee shop different names and I don't always catch it.)  
> I appreciate any and all tips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First impressions are very important. Always be careful because you never know when you might spill coffee on your soul mate

On the Thursday that this story begins all was quiet in the completely fictional city of Marshton. Things were even going smoothly in the small, quaint coffee shop, The Coffee Corner, which sat at the corner of Ricks Street and Ashmead Avenue. The day was abnormally calm. Of course the owner, McPhee, wasn't complaining. He relished and hoped for the quiet days. Surprisingly not even Jedediah and Lancelot were bickering. The two men were simply going about taking orders and serving coffee and the occasional baked good.

Today was a good day...

Until Jedediah decided it would be a fantastic idea to trip over his own two feet and spill coffee on a customer.

McPhee sighed wistfully. He couldn't catch a break, could he? He went to the back of the shop hoping the blond Texan could sort this mess out himself and wouldn't lose the shop any customers. They had, after all, only just begun gaining popularity.

 

A startled Octavius jumped up from his work with a quiet swear disregarding the panicking waiter at first in order to make sure his papers were okay. Once he was sure they were and he was the only one who was covered in coffee, he made eye contact and scowled at the stranger, "Would you watch where you're going next time, you clumsy oaf?"

 

Jedediah froze in shock before clenching his teeth. He wasn't about to take any of that, "Hey, it was an accident, kemosabe. Chill."

The customer sneered at him, "Well, how about I spill hot coffee on you? Then we can see how chill you are, hm?"

"Lookie here, I'm sorry, alright? Why don't ya let me help clean you up?" Jed didn't particularly want the chances of him getting fired going up, so he wasn't going to shout at the stranger.

"I think you've helped enough."

Then again-

"Well, next time I think I might dump coffee on you on purpose! I tried apologizin' and even offered to help. Ya don't gotta be so doggone rude 'bout this!"

"This was your fault in the first place! Apologizing was only the civil thing to do, but it does not mean I have to forgive you!"

 

The nerve of this waiter. Acting like he had to forgive him. Octavius didn't have to do anything. He especially did not have to forgive a buffoon who didn't even use proper grammar. He sneered at the waiter before stuffing his papers back into their folder and leaving the coffee shop. He would waste absolutely no time with people like this imbecile. He had better things to do.

 

Jedediah scowled at the retreating figure of the stranger. His boss wouldn't be happy he had lost them a customer, but he couldn't bring himself to care at the moment.

"You probably could have handled that better, lad."

The Texan sighed and spared Teddy, a history teacher at the local college, an annoyed glance, "Yea, probably, but I did at least try apologizin'. Don't that count for anything?"

"Of course it does, Jedediah. It is hard to fail, but it is even worse never to have tried to succeed."

"I don't know what that quote has to do with- Okay. Sure. Whatever you say, hoss." The waiter didn't understand Teddy's incessant need to quote President Theodore Roosevelt just because he was named after him. Jed simply shrugged and went back to work...

Or at least he tried to.

The boss had returned from the back shortly after the shouting had stopped.

"Smith, a word if you please."

Jedediah decided this was the moment to care about whether his boss was happy or not. He walked over to the shorter man. He wondered if he looked as guilty as he felt.

 

He swore he was going to punch Lancelot for laughing at him. Or maybe he could bribe Sacajawea, the coffee shop's baker, into scaring the other waiter senseless. Nah, probably not. Scaring Lance wouldn't give Jedediah the same satisfaction

 

Further down Ashmead Avenue, Octavius walked briskly down the sidewalk towards the bus stop, "I supposed I should count myself lucky since the hot liquid spared my work." he paused for a short while, "It most likely would not have been hard to put back together since it has hardly even begun, but still... Such careless people as... As... What was his name?" Octavius had not bothered to read the clumsy waiter's name tag as he was too busy shouting at him. He also realized he had not gotten his money back after the coffee catastrophe, "I payed, had coffee spilt on me, and left without a second though. Idiot." He wondered if he could go back the next day at do something about it because there was no possible way he would go back at that time. It just would not happen. He contemplated whether he should go back at all, "It wasn't too much money, and I'd risk seeing that idiotic waiter again. That could only end in disaster no doubt."

Or perhaps he could bring himself to forgive the other man. It had been an accident after all, and nothing was permanently damaged, "Except maybe my coffee-stained shirt."

Once he reached the bus stop, he waited by the bench. Thinking back to the argument, he recalled a spark between him and the waiter. He knew when a person made eye contact with their soul mate for the first time, they both felt a spark. But was that the case in this instance? Or was it simply the due to the mood at the time? Octavius shook his head and sighed in slight dismay, "It was more than likely just the mood."

It then occurred to him he had said most of this out loud.

"I really must stop talking to myself."

 

Jedediah, who had gotten off work not too long ago and went straight to his best friend's home, was now pacing in from of said friend's couch, "I swear, Amelia, he was just so- So stupid!"

The young woman sitting on the couch raised an eyebrow, "Oh, yes, way to stick it to the man, Jed. Calling him stupid like that."

Ugh, give me a break, would ya?" The Texan grumbled before loudly adding, "He was bitterer than his coffee! Who takes it black anyway? I swear I thought he was gonna start airin' his lungs at me!"

"Plenty of people take coffee black, and maybe if you weren't such a butterfingers, you would have a little more luck."

"Dang it, Amelia, yer supposed to be on my side! I tried apologizin' to him."

"Sorry, 'Diah, but I can really see why he was so upset. We're best friends, but if you spilled coffee on me, we'd be having words." Amelia couldn't stop herself from grinning, "Why are you so worked up about this anyway? People yell at you all the time at The Coffee Corner."

Jedediah shifted uncomfortably, "We... We made eye contact, and there was- It was- I felt- I dunno." he frowned and crossed his arms over his chest, "Why does it matter?"

Amelia seemed to light up like the fourth of July, "You- Did you feel a spark?"

"J-Just a small one. Probably don't mean nuthin'. I mean, it was a little bit off-putting."

"You don't think he could be-"

"No way, José. He ain't good enough for a cowboy," he pointed at himself before putting his hands on his hips, "He ain't even good enough for a cow." Okay, maybe Jedediah had overreacted to the whole thing. He probably should have kept his cool earlier in the day. It had been his fault. And it was true that the other man didn't necessarily have to forgive him. He supposed it didn't matter anymore though. It was already done and over with, and nothing could change what happened.

"Jeepers, you're hopeless."

Jedediah plopped himself next to Amelia and grinned, "Aw shucks, with comments like that you’re gonna make me happier than a pup with two tails." he grin quickly fell however as he continued talking, "Anyway, after he left Teddy started quotin' that President again, and then McPhee ranted at me. Or at least he tried to. I swear the cat catches that man tongue more than anyone else's. Ya always have to guess what he's tryin' to say, ya know? It's gotten to the point where it's just plumb silly."

"Jed, I'm don't think insulting your boss is the best idea you've ever had."

"Maybe, but it ain't the worst neither."

"True, but this could really come back to bite you, and when you end up getting fired, I'm going to say I told you so."

"Well, ain't you just a great friend?"

"I am." Amelia smiled mischievously, "Now tell me, has Ahkmenrah spoken to Larry Daley yet?"

"Nah, I swear Ahk gets as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs when he around Gigantor." Jedediah sighed.

Everyone who frequented The Coffee Corner knew without a doubt that Ahkmenrah had a crush on the cashier. Of course, not quite as many knew Larry had Egyptian hieroglyphs on his right calf or Ahkmenrah had the name Lawrence printed on his left bicep. This soul mate thing was way too problematic.

"You know what really got under my skin at work today though?"

"Hm, I assumed it was the customer. Was it not?"

"No. It was that dang Lancelot." Jedediah huffed, "Laughin' at me after McPhee gave me a good talking-to. One o' these days, I'm gonna punch him, and I couldn't care less if it gets me fired or not." He was pretty sure Lancelot was crazier than popcorn on a hot stove, but that was a fairly popular belief anyway.

 

 

Later, when he was alone and trying to get to sleep, Jedediah would think back to the moment when he and the annoying customer had made eye contact. A small spark couldn't even begin to describe what he had felt. The feeling was so off-putting Jedediah had frozen before he was able to snark back at the dark haired customer. He couldn't have been his life partner though. Jedediah had been wearing his name tag. Surely the stranger would have commented on it if he was. Unless it was possible for someone's life partner to have a different soul mate, but Jedediah was pretty sure that was impossible. Something which was entirely too possible was a body never meeting their soul mate. He would sigh wistfully as his left foot would brush his right ankle where the first name of his soul mate was permanently tattooed in italicized cursive. _Octavius_

 

Octavius, on the other hand, would be staring into a mirror; his left hand rubbing his right shoulder blade slightly. He would be frowning deeply trying to figure out just who the blond was. There had definitely been a spark between them, and it had been incredibly disconcerting. He would find himself wondering why he hadn't read the blond's name tag before realizing he had been too focused on his eyes. So blue and full of life, they were by far the most beautiful eyes Octavius has ever seen. At this though, the unpublished author would find himself blushing a deep red. He would push the thoughts away. The waiter was far too temperamental. Octavius would think of the name in bold print etched onto his shoulder. **Jedediah**


	2. Buses and Fancy Teas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you see someone everywhere, the universe might be trying to tell you something

It was Friday, and particular due had coincidentally met up at a bus stop at the corner of Maple and Allen. Needless to say, neither Jedediah nor Octavius are particularly happy to be in the other's company. It was almost as if the universe was trying to get them together.

 

"What are you doing here?" Octavius questioned not even attempting to hide his frustration.

"Same as you I reckon. Waitin' for the bus." The blond shrugged nonchalantly.

"Can't you take a different bus?" The author took note that the other man was not wearing a name tag. He's have to wait to find out his name...

"Yer kiddin', right? No? Well, I'm afraid that's a big no can do, buckaroo." The waiter sounded most amused to Octavius' ears.

"What does that even mean...?"

"Means the bus is here, and I got places to be, so either you can take another bus, or you can ignore my presence, compadre."

Octavius grumbles under his breath but follows the blond on the bus. The stranger takes a seat up front, so the dark haired man found a seat nearer the back. He sighs in aggravation for he still does not know the waiter's name. However, not knowing a name does not stop him from admiring back other other man's head and the side of his face when he gets a glance. Of course, people tend to be able to just feel when they're being stared at, and Octavius noticed the blond squirm slightly before looking around only to find the darker haired male staring straight at him.

 

Jedediah feels himself start blushing after noticing the dark haired customer from the previous day staring at him. That was... Awkward to say the least. Man, oh man, what he would give to know that guy's name. Maybe he should just ask? Eh, probably better if he didn't. He wasn't in the mood to be griped at, and as far as Jed knew, the stranger's favorite thing to do was gripe and yell at him... All because of one hot cup of spilt coffee. Thankfully, his stop is coming up. Hopefully the other man won't be getting off at the same time. The bus came to a stop at the corner of Allen Street and Simmons Road. The blond stood up and got off the bus.

 

Octavius stayed for another stop. The Coffee Corner was open, and he really needed to see if he could get a refund. Thanks to no small amount of luck the blond seemed to have the day off.

 

He got his money back.

 

The first time they ran into each other the next day was at a supermarket.

"Are you gonna turn up everywhere I go?" The blond asked annoyed.

Octavius had to give him credit. He had tried to be civil. The dark haired man frowned, "I could ask you the same question. Do you take pleasure in showing up anywhere I need to be?

"Now lookie here, hoss, I ain't got no clue what your plans are, alright? I just woke up this mornin' realizin' I forgot to do a few things yesterday." The slightly taller man sighed, "So, why don't you go on your way, and I'll go on mine?"

At this point Octavius was unsure if that would work. They'd probably end up bumping into each other again. The day was still early. Still, he agreed, "Very well. May our paths never cross again."

The waiter grinned, "Same to you, pal." he walked off leaving Octavius wishing he could see that grin one more time.

It was quite dazzling.

 

After picking up a few things, Octavius went to The Tea Shop, which was run by Attila on Simmons Street and was conveniently next to a bus stop. He entered the decently sized shop and, low and behold, there was that blond waiter from The Coffee Corner. He vaguely wondered if he could just ignore him...

"Why, you son of a gun!"

Apparently not.

"Ah, it's you again." Octavius let his dismay show, "What are you doing at a tea shop?"

"Oh, you know, buyin' a couple of puppies." The blond replied casually before snapping at him, "What do you think I'm doin' here, ya loon?"

"My apologies. It's just you do not seem like the tea type of person."

"You've only known me for two and a half days, amigo. Bit rude o' ya for jumpin' to conclusions like ya did."

"Yes, well, I apologized, did I not?"

"Sure ya did, but that don't mean I gotta forgive ya, now does it?"

Well, it would seem the tables have turned.

"You make a valid point."

The blond smirked, an amused twinkle in his eyes. It was exceptionally becoming of him. He walked over to the counter Attila sat behind, "Ya got any wild strawberry? Oh, and, eh, chamomile?"

Attila nodded and went to fetch the teas the blond had request.

"Chamomile?" Octavius repeated intrigued. The waiter definitely need not seem like a chamomile type.

"You gotta a problem with what I drink?"

"No, of course not. Frankly, I don't care what you do as long as you do it away from me. It just seems..." Octavius trailed off unable to find a word which would not insult the beautiful blond man even more so than he already had.

 

Jedediah smiled pensively, "Uncharacteristic? That's probably the word you're lookin' for." he sighed, "There are four people who know I come here. Myself, Attila, Amelia, and you."

"So, it is a secret?" The other man questioned, "Very well. I shall tell no one of what I have learned today."

The blond was sure the surprise he felt was obvious, "Thanks."

"Although, if I may, I am curious as to why you don't want anyone to know." The shorter admitted, "I highly doubt enjoying tea will leave a smudge on your reputation."

The only response Jedediah gave was a shrug before Attila returned with his teas, "Thanks a bunch, kemosabe." he smiled and turned to the man whose name he did not know, "Try not to miss the bus." He winked and practically strutted out of The Tea Shop.

 

Octavius blushed at the blond's wink and watched him leave. He had a very nice backside... The author felt himself turning even redder before turning to Attila, "Do you have ant Peppermint tea? A-And raspberry decaf please."

The Tea Shop owner, smiling knowingly, nodded and went to off in search of Octavius' request.

 

The bus had not arrived by the time Octavius reached the stop. In fact, Jedediah was still waiting.

 

The blonde noticed Octavius and smirked, "Aw, ya decided to to show up after all, huh?"

The author rolls his eyes at the childish antics of the other man, "Well, I do have to home somehow. Besides taking this bus means I get to stare at you for a bit longer."

The waiter, shocked, turned bright red obviously not expecting that, "Uh... Wh-What?"

"You heard me. I didn't stutter. Unlike you, my dear." It was Octavius' turn to smirk. If the blond could play this game so could he.

"Ack, but, your soul mate- I don't think they'd like you f-flirtin' with another guy!" The blond was obviously completely flustered...

And if Octavius was being honest, he would say he did not mind one bit, "I don't think he'd mind if he knew I was captivated with someone of your beauty."

The author wouldn't have believed it possible if he hadn't seen it with his own eyes, but the waiter actually managed to turn a deeper shade of red.

 

Jedediah had never been so grateful to see a bus in his life as he was at that moment. Trying to fight down the ever-spreading blush, he nodded at the mode of public transport heading towards them, "L-Look, there's the bus. Time to go our separate ways again, kemosabe." he tried ignoring the other male's ever-expanding smirk as he boarded the bus as quickly as he could without tripping. The blond took a seat at the front and let out a low sigh of relief when the dark haired stranger - did the word stranger even apply at this point - went right past him and to the back.

But really, maybe he didn't know the other man's name, but was that so important? Jedediah didn't see him a friend per say, but maybe they were past the stranger stage? Acquaintance perhaps? Noting a few strands of hair had fallen in his face, he ran a hand through his blond locks. Best to just stick to the simple stuff. They didn't like each other.

Right?

The man had just been teasing him earlier. Trying to get a reaction out of him.

And it had worked. Unfortunately.

 

The bus came to a halt at the corner of Maple and Allen Street.

 

The bus departed, but at the stop Octavius stared at a blond waiter, who stared right back. Neither breaking eye contact, the author spoke, "Do you mind me asking where you live?"

"Kemosobe, after our last roundup, I ain't sure I even want ya lookin' at me." The blond's former blush returned though far less deep or far spread, yet he answered the question anyway, "Maple Street."

"Hm, so it would seem we-"

"You ain't about to tell me we live on the same street, are ya?"

"We are never going to get rid of each other, are we?"

"Don't seem like it, amigo."

 

The duo, which only the universe could part, walked on different sides of the street, both thinking pretty much the about same thing. How silly this was getting.

 

On this lazy Sunday afternoon, Jedediah can be wandering around his average sized, very quiet house. He was very unsure about what to do. Amelia was on a date with Custer. Attila was a swell guy to hang around with if you could understand him. Larry was either with Ahkmenrah or with Nicky, which meant Ahkmenrah was either with Larry or... Ramen noodle or Kahkahrah or Kahmunrah or whatever his crazy brother's name was. Teddy and Wea were probably on a date if not, well, he had no idea what could they were doing. McPhee was his boss, and no one wants to spend their free time with their employer. He wasn't even going to think about Lancelot.

That was it. That was everyone he knew... Except... Well, he didn't have a name to go with the handsome fa-

"What." Jedediah blushed and shook his head in an attempt to clear it of that... Odd thought... It didn't work.

Okay, maybe it wasn't too weird of a thought. He was bi, and whatever-his-name-is was attractive, and he hadn't met his soul mate, this Octavius guy, yet, so he had no say at all in Jedediah's life.

"Ugh, even if this soul mate thing wasn't a... Thing, it would never work between us 'cause all we do gripe and shout at each other!" The blond shouted at his ceiling, "We just hate one another, don't we?!"

The ceiling didn't respond.

And that's probably a good thing.

Jedediah fell back onto the couch and stared at the unresponsive ceiling, "Not to mention... I don't even know his name." he groaned and threw an arm over his face, "I don't even know why I'm thinking about this!"

Maybe he was just lonely. He had only known the stranger for three days, but...

"If I could stop thinkin' about him that would be fantastic!"

 

Octavius was in his bedroom. Cleaning. Important yet dull. There were other things he could have been doing. Working on his story for example. Or maybe even bothering the blond waiter. Not Lancelot. The other one.

The one whose name he still did not know.

Of course, Lancelot was very attractive as well. There was no doubting that.

He had very hypnotic blue eyes.

He prefered the other waiter's though.

He could put off cleaning for a short bit could he? They were only a few houses away...

Octavius sighed and dropped some papers on his desk, "Ah, but I forgot how much he dislikes me." he paused, "And, of course, I dislike him." he shook his head and placed a couple of stray books back on their shelves, "We don't even know each other’s names. I highly doubt he'd allow me to visit." he adjusted a picture frame slightly, "Besides, I do have a soul mate. Of course, I'm not sure where this Jedediah is, but he is out there."

But the blond waiter with the temperamental personality would not leave his thoughts.


	3. Flapjacks and Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or the one where Amelia and Lancelot talk about Jedediah, and Octavius learns the Texan's surname

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm uploading this on my brother's birthday, so it could be a b-day present, but he's not even into NatM, so it sucks to be him.

Octavius ends up going back to The Coffee Corner Monday. They have good coffee... However, when he enters the shop and sees the blond waiter who is not Lancelot, he contemplates whether or not he should turn around and find another coffee place.

He decides against it.

Simply because this place has the best coffee he's ever tasted.

So, he takes a seat and turns his laptop on before noticing the nameless waiter grimacing at him. Nevertheless, the blond energetically strides towards him with a note pad and a smile.

"Howdy there! What'll ya have, kemosabe.

"Coffee, black." Octavius replied shortly before adding, "And, ah, what's a flapjack?"

"It's like a biscuit... or a scone."

"Would you recommend them?"

"Yea, I would."

"In that case, I'll also take a bagel with cream cheese." Noticing the waiter raise an eyebrow, he added, "If you recommend it, I don't want it." he sniffs haughtily, "And try not to spill anything this time, would you, dear?"

 

Jedediah fights back a scowl as he jots the customer's order down, "Careful there, hon, or I may just accidentally dump the coffee on your head this time." he turns away and pins the order ticket to the order wheel. Not having anymore orders to take at the moment, he walked over to the cashier, "I'm gonna punch him."

"No, you're not. You'll get fired." Larry retorted.

"If you recommend it, I don't want it." The Texan mocked before huffing, "Did you hear him. You heard him, right?"

"Of course I heard him." The cashier replied, "The whole shop heard the both of you. Neither of you were exactly trying to be civil."

"I swear people like him make me want to swallow a cactus." Jedediah crossed him arms and shifted his weight to one side, "So, how Nicky?"

"Ah, there's the abrupt change in topic." Larry shook his head, "He's fine. Bought a couple of blouses and some eye liner the other day."

"Really? That's nice." Jedediah smiled.

 

Octavius looked up from his laptop and glanced at the waiter who took his order. He really did have a very nice smile.

"Well, if you think that, maybe you ought to get his number."

The author blushed slightly realizing he had spoken out loud. He looked at the redheaded female who had taken a seat across from him, "Can I help you with something, miss?"

"Miss? The name is Amelia. Amelia Earhart." The redhead replied, "And I just wanna know why you two boys keep fighting. I think you could really... Get along if you tried."

"Meaning?"

"I just think you two could be good friends that's all." Amelia said smugly. That was obviously not all she meant.

"Right, well, he and I got off on the wrong foot, and it seems there is no starting over."

"Oh? Have you tried to?"

Octavius glanced at the waiter who was still talking to the cashier, "No, but-"

"Well, how do you know there's no starting over, hm?"

"Who cannot start over what?"

"Why, this fellow here thinks Smith wouldn't want to be friend with him if given the chance, Lance."

Octavius blushed slightly. Oh, no, it was Lancelot.

"Ah, yes, Smith." The British waiter said the name with what could only be called disdain, "He is quite the character, is he not?"

"He is indeed very frustrating." The Italian nodded in agreement, and no, it was not because he had developed a small crush on this waiter the last time he visited The Coffee House.

"Oh, he means well." Amelia shrugged, "You just have to give him a couple hundred chances. He's alright once you get to know him."

"I don't want to get to know him. I want to punch him." Not a lie... Just possibly not the entire truth.

"Agreed." Lancelot nodded, "Now what did you say your name was?"

Octavius didn't squeak. Grown men such as himself did not do such things. Ever. He cleared his throat, "I, um, I am Octavius."

"A pleasure to meet you, Octavius."

 

"Now he's practically swooning all over that Lancelot." Jedediah spat out his coworker's name like it was poison, "Who does he think he is?"

"Lancelot or the customer?" Larry sighed probably thinking how ridiculous Jed was being.

"... Both dagnabbit."

"You sound a little jealous."

"What? I ain't got nuthin' to be jealous about, hombre." Jedediah was taken aback.

"You sure?"

"You got turnips in yer ears, Gigantor? I ain't jealous."

"If you say so."

"Jedediah," Sacajawea walked over with a cup of coffee and a bagel, "his order is ready."

The Texan sighed taking the order and walking over to the man sitting with Amelia and Lancelot. He sat the food and hot drink on the table, "If you need anything else, Lancelot's right beside you."

 

Octavius glanced over the order before turning his attention to the man who had brought it to him, "Seems you're not a complete buffoon then. You managed to bring me everything still in one piece, and you didn't even spill anything."

"Man, oh man, you are some piece o' work, ain't ya?"

"Meaning?"

"Why do ya also have to degrade me, huh?" The man - Smith was probably his last name, but it would have to do for know - crossed his arms, "Every time we happen to run into each other..." he trailed off and shrugged his shoulders as he walked away.

"You hurt his feelings." Amelia stated, "And after his shift he gonna rant at me."

Better you than me." Lancelot said, "I don't know how you put up with him."

"He's a great friend." The redhead seemed keen on defending Smith, "He's loyal, and if you asked, he'd probably give you the shirt right off his back."

"Unless you're me." The Brit added, "I have no doubt that if he could, he'd set me on fire."

"He might hate you, but if you needed help, he'd still give it to you."

Octavius found himself mulling this conversation over several times throughout the remainder of the day.

 

After his shift on Tuesday, Jedediah ran into Nicky, Larry, and Ahkmenrah at the Supermarket.

"Well, howdy, fellas!" Jedediah tipped his hat slightly at the sight of the trio.

"Hey, Jed." Larry nodded at the blond, "How are ya?"

"Me? Why, I'm great, Gigantor. Haven't seen hide nor hair of-" what was his name, "Of that annoying customer today."

"Do, you still not know his name, Jed?" Ahkmenrah questioned.

"Oh, I don't wanna know guy's name." Jed huffed before raising an eyebrow, "So, uh, what're you guys doin'? Don't normally see you with them, Ahk, 'cept at The Coffee Corner, but even then y'all don't ever seem to speak to each other."

"Me and Dad ran into him." Nicky replied for the slightly blushing Egyptian, "Well, Dad actually walked into him."

"It was an accident." Larry muttered.

Nicholas rolled his eyes and began whispering to Jed, "Between you and me, I think the universe it trying to get them together."

"I agree, kiddo." Jedediah nodded, "There ain't a doubt in my mind that those two are soul mates."

"I know, right? When you do you think they'll admit it?"

"Soon as Gigantor learns how to readArabic I reckon."

"What are you two plotting over there?" Lawrence questioned suspiciously.

"Nothing." The blond and Larry's kid chimed in perfect unison.

Nicky's father let out a long sigh before turning back to Ahkmenrah.

"We could try to set 'em up." The Texan began whispering again.

"When?"

"Meet after my shift tomorrow We'll plan then."

"Won't Dad be there too?"

"Don't worry, kiddo. I'll have it all sorted out."

 

Shortly after his shift on Wednesday, Jedediah walked over to Larry, "Heya, Gigantor, can I ask a favor?"

"Sure, what's up?" The cashier nodded with a smile.

"Well, Amelia's helpin' out a a charity real soon, and Custer can't go. I was gonna, but somethin' just came up. Think you could go with her?"

"Well," Larry hesitated, "maybe if she doesn't try to kiss me again..."

"Oh, that was just a joke, Laredo. Melia didn't mean nuthin by it. 'Sides she's found her soul mate, ya know? She won't make moves towards ya. Promise."

"Alright then. Where is she now?"

A car horn was heard from outside the shop, and Jedediah gestured at the door, "That should be her." he smiled at the cashier, "I really appreciate this, Larry."

"It's no problem, Jed."

"Still though..." The Texan hummed, "Oh! I'll make sure Nicky here gets home safe for ya!" he nodded at the cashier's son.

"You know you don't have to do that, Jed." The nineteen year old frowned but didn't look up from his laptop.

"I'd appreciate that." Larry nodded ignoring his child causing Nicholas to sigh in dismay.

The blond grinned, "What's wrong, kid? Don't like ol' Jedediah?"

Nicky spared Jed a glance, "Maybe."

"I'm wounded."

"Guess I should go now, huh?" Larry headed for the door, "Don't want to keep Amelia waiting."

"Longer than you already have." Jedediah chuckled. Once the cashier was gone, the Texan sat at Nicky's table, "You ready to get in a ton of trouble?"

"I was born ready." Nicky grinned turning off his laptop. He seemed ready to get his father and Ahkmenrah together if it was the last thing he did. It wouldn't be.

The duo sat in silence thinking of way to get Larry and Ahkmenrah together. Where was Ahk anyway?

"What about a pool party?"

"Nicky, no one we know has a pool."

"We could rent the city pool."

"I work at a coffee shop, and you don't have a job. I don't think we can afford that."

"Maybe I could convince dad to rent it for me."

"He works at a coffee shop too."

"Well, what if the both of you-"

"Yea, with out coffee shop wages combined, I'm sure me and Gigantor could definitely rent the city pool."

"Why are you full of so much hate and sarcasm, man?"

"Just being realistic, hoss."

"Well, what about Mr. McPhee?"

"Good luck with that."

"You could ask."

"How am I gonna convince him to rent a pool?"

"I dunno. You can come up with something. I have faith in you."

"Look, I've convinced a few folks to do things they originally didn't wanna do, but I don't think even I could convince McPhee to-"

"You don't think think you could convince me to what, Smith?"

Jedediah swore he was going to scream forever when he got home. He looked up at his boss with the most guilty smile, "Um... Nicky and me were just thinkin'-"

"Smith."

Right. Grammar. The Texan took a breath, "Nicky and I were thinking about to get Gigantor and Ahkmenrah together. I mean, they're soul mates, and everyone except them know, right? I think it's obvious. How many Egyptians could Larry run into? Anyway, Nicky suggested a pool party, but we don't know anyone who owns a pool, and we can't rent the city pool because he doesn't have a job, and I'm living off nine dollars an hour. So, he was wondering if you could rent it..."

McPhee did not seem pleased at this suggested, so Jedediah quickly continued, "J-Just think about, boss. If Larry finds gets with his soul mate, he'll be happier. Happy employees attract business better than upset ones."

Jed's employer seemed to mull over that, "Alright." he nodded, "However, you fail to get them together at the party, you're fired, Smith." he walked away leaving a wide-eyed Jedediah and a frowning Nicholas.

"What if they don't get together?" Nicky questioned obviously worried.

The blond cleared his throat and forced himself to calm down, "They're bound to. Their names are gonna be visible, right? Ahk's is on his bicep, and Gigantor's is on his calf."

"Okay, but how do you know that?"

"Larry, for some reason, thought I could read Arabic, and Ahk wears short sleeves on Larry's days off." Jedediah shrugged crossing his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any mistakes?


	4. What The Knick Knack Paddy Whack, Octavius?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Also known as: Invitations and Stories  
> When even the bus driver thinks you're together, you may want to take a hint.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was really hard to write for inexplicable reasons. I don't know if it's any good or not, but I'd really rather not rewrite it.

On a Thursday afternoon, Octavius walked into The Tea Shop.

"Everyone's invited."

Was that... Ah, yes, it was. The unpublished author sighed, "Don't you have coffee to spill on someone?"

"Man, you sure do know how to hold a grudge, don't ya?" Smith laughed, "Anyway, I was just tellin' Attila here that The Coffee Corner is hostin' a party at the local pool Saturday. Everyone's invited. So long as they've actually bought coffee from us." The Texan was obviously in a good mood, "That means you too, kemosabe. You should come. You always look so stressed; it'll be good for to relax."

"I'm not stressed, and even if I were, I highly doubt a party of any sort would change that."

"Oh? So, are ya jus' uptight then? C'mon, kemosabe, a have a little fun. Ya look like ya haven't had a good time in fifty years."

"I'm not sure how old you think I am, but I can assure you-"

The blond laughed loudly, "Was just an exaggeration, hoss. Lighten up a bit, would ya?"

Octavius was not quite as amused, "The usual, Attila, please."

With a nod, Attila went to get Octavius' usual order.

"One day you'll come in here, and there'll be shelves stocked." Smith grinned, "Today ain't that day though." he stretched and let out a yawn, "Seriously though, you should go to the party."

"And why would I do that?" The Italian raised an eyebrow, "Desperate to see me without a shirt?"

"I- What? No!" The blond blushed, and it was a beautiful sight...

Not beautiful as in Octavius would have liked to kiss him there and then of course. More like... It was pleasing to the Texan get knocked off his high horse every once in a while. Right. That was it.

"I just- You'd be missing out if ya didn't. One of folks plannin' it really know how to throw a great party." Smith explained still red in the face.

"I'll think about it." The author stated knowing full well that he more than likely would not think about it.

"Great!" The other man seemed to light up so brightly that Octavius nearly felt bad for lying to him.

Attila came back with 'the usual.'

"So, we gonna see you there, Tilla?"

The owner of The Tea Shop nodded at Smith, who grinned in response. Today must be going well for him.

Normally it seemed whenever Octavius and Smith were in each others' company, both their moods were dampened. This obviously wasn't the case this time, and the Italian wondered what had the blond in such a good mood. Could it be the party? Had he met his soul mate perhaps? The author knew he wouldn't get an answer even if he asked. They hated each other. The only reason the waiter had invited him to the party was because he was a customer of The Coffee Corner. Everyone was invited.

He wouldn't go, and that was that.

 

The Texan and Italian walked out to the bus stop leaving Attila at The Tea Shop.

"Why is your work place throwing a pool party anyway?"

Smith sighed, "It's real frustrating actually." he crossed and sent an annoyed glance towards Octavius, "Gigantor and Ahkmenrah are soul mates, and everybody know 'cept them. Me and Nicky, Larry's kid, are tryin' to get them to realize, and he suggested a pool party. But we're both broke. He ain't got a job, and I'm a waiter. He thought McPhee could host it like either of us were gonna ask, but my boss kinda overheard part of our conversation." his face contorted from annoyed to nervous, "If we don't get them together at the party, I'm gonna lose my job."

"What?!" Octavius' eyes widened in shock, "Why would you make a deal like that? What if one of them doesn't even go?"

"Gigantor will 'cause staff has to go, and Nicky's tryin' to get Ahk to DJ with him. He prob'ly will seein' as Ahk loves to DJin'."

"Well, I hope you succeed. Not only for their sake, but for yours as well. Who knows what would happen if you ended up homeless." The author paused in consideration, "You'd most like get the whole city destroyed."

"Wow." The blond crossed his arms, "Thanks. You know I could just stay with Amelia, right? S'not like I'd end up on the street, kemosabe."

"Why she puts up with you, I'll never understand."

"And here I thought we were finally on the road of becomin' friends."

"Not in this life time, my dear." Octavius smirked as the bus arrived at the stop.

"Aw, yer gonna hurt my feelings, hon." Smith grinned obviously not hurt at all, and the due boarded the bus.

"You two are together again?" The bus driver raised an eyebrow, "I must say the two of you make an excellent couple."

Both the Texan and the Italian blushed, and the author was the first to speak, "We- We're not a- What makes you- We aren't- We don't even-"

Blah, blah, blah, I never lie!" The driver banged a fist on the steering wheel.

"B-But-"

Smith grabbed Octavius' wrist and started pulling him to a seat, "Thanks, Abe."

The duo actually sat next to each other instead of one up front and the other in the back. Mainly because the dark haired male wanted answers, "Why didn't you try to tell him that we're not a couple? We don't even like each other."

The waiter rubbed his arm sheepishly, "It's easier just to go with it. Trust me, hoss. Gigantor tried to convince him of somethin' - can't remember what right now - and it was- Hoo boy, it was crazy. Real crazy. You do not wanna go there."

"You don't seen too put off by this." Octavius noted, "Perhaps you'd," he paused, "like to be in a relationship with me?"

"I- You- What- No, I- No!" The blond sputtered turning a lovely shade of red.

The author took one of the Texan's hand and leaned in so he and Smith were face to face, "Are you sure?"

"I-I,uh, I-I-" The waiter's red face darkened, and Octavius' eyes glanced down at the other man's lips.

Deciding it would be too much to actually kiss him, the author turned his gaze back to Smith very lovely eyes.

"Yes?" The blond finally answered.

"Alright then." Octavius backed away and let go of the other man's hand.

The other man looked completely and utterly distraught, "Are you... Drunk?"

"Off of your beauty."

"Your soul mate would not appreciate this."

"I doubt he'd mind if he met you."

Smith didn't utter another word the entire bus ride.

 

And of course they were both going to The Coffee Corner. Octavius didn't know what he was expecting. How did they keep ending up in each other's company like this?

"So, whataya do anyway?" The blond questioned, "I always see you in here with yer laptop. you a student?"

"I'm an author." Octavius replied.

"Really? What have ya written?"

"Ah, well, I'm unpublished at the moment." The Italian expected to be laughed at.

"What're ya workin' on then?" The waiter actually seemed excited.

The author raised an eyebrow, "I'm not going to spoil it."

Smith groaned in dismay, "Aw, c'mon, I ain't askin' for no major details, hoss."

"Hm, well, it takes place in a world where people don't have soul mates."

"No soul mates? How does that work?"

"The people fall in and out of love. The fates play no part in relationships. People make their own paths."

"Sounds like a right mess." Smith chuckled, "Yer tellin' me that in this world of yours, I could fall in love with," he paused, "Larry?"

"The cashier?" Octavius clarified before shrugging, "You could."

"Hoo boy, that's be some sorta crazy, wouldn't it?"

"In our world perhaps, but in another? Perhaps not."

The Texan shuddered, "Egh, I don't wanna imagine myself with Gigantor..."

"Why do you call him that? You are taller than he is."

"Yea, I know, but he's got this larger than life personality." Smith replied, "tell me more 'bout this fictional world of yours."

Octavius stirred his coffee. He had not expected the other man to be so intrigued. The curiosity shining in his blue eyes was almost adorable.

The author began describing his novel with zeal. the difference between the real world and his fictional one, the characters and their quirks, and the plot to the best of his abilities.

And the Texan seemed to hang on to his every word.

"Wow, ain't that somethin'?" The blond grinned fervently, "I'd sure buy that book, kemosabe!"

Octavius chuckled, "I have to finish first." he sighed, "And think of a title."

Titles were the worst.

"I'm sure you'll think of somethin'." The blond sipped his coffee, "After all, if you can come up with a whole other world and a plot like that, a title oughta be a breeze for ya."

The Italian made a noncommittal sound of agreement as he picked up his cup, "What about you? Surely you did not want to become a waiter."

"I didn't, but," Smith paused possibly mulling over his thoughts, "I like it. Most of the time. Ain't so great when ya got folks yellin' at ya." he shrugged, "But my coworkers are swell... Other than that Lancelot I mean."

"What exactly did he do to make you hate him so much?" Octavius questioned curiously. As far he knew the Brit was a very nice, very handsome man. His only flaw being how dense he could be at times. The Texan suddenly looked like he wanted to shove a brick down someone's throat, and the Italian shifted slightly, "You do not have to talk about it." he took a sip of his coffee a few times, "What did you want to do?"

"Well, once I wanted to sob violently 'cause I had no idea where I was goin' with my life." Smith replied lightheartedly, "Then I decided I wanted my own business." he gestured around the room, "That didn't happen. Obviously."

"Why not?"

"Couldn't go to college." The blond shrugged, "Too poor, and I wasn't eligible for any sorta aid."

"My apologies."

"Ain't yer fault, hoss, but I do appreciate it."

"Perhaps you could go now?"

"Nah, I'm good. I ain't got the best payin' job, but I like it for the most part. It's got its ups and downs of course, but hey, what job don't?"

"You're satisfied where you are right now? Being a waiter?"

"Sure I am. Would I better myself if I could? Yea, without a doubt, but I'm good where right here." he winked, "With you."

Octavius was taken aback, "Now, now, what about your soul mate? Do you really think they'd like you saying things like that, you hypocrite?"

"He don't get an opinion 'cause I ain't even met him yet." Smith replied with a shrug, "Why should I let someone I don't know have any sorta say in what I do?" he smirked, "And I ain't the only hypocrite 'round here, amigo. Or have ya conveniently forgotten that little stunt ya pulled on the bus?"

"How could I do that when you looked quite stunning wearing that deep blush, my dear?" By this point Octavius had realized that while the blond could flirt until the cows came home as he'd probably put it, he did take accept advances made towards him very well.

And the Texan turned bright red, "Yer gonna murder me, ya know that?"

"What a pity."

Octavius decided he would go to the pool party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am going to scream for the rest of my life


	5. Or The One Where Jedediah Wants To Hook People Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Also known as: Pool Parties and Matchmaking  
> There's a pool party, and someone's job is on the line

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unlike chapter 4, this chapter was written fairly quickly

Despite acting like everything would go over without a hitch at the party, Jedediah spent the Friday before it drowning in self-loathing.

Because he was an idiot.

A complete idiot.

And he spent most of the day whining at Amelia, "I can't believe I risked my job on this, Am. Knowin' those two, they'll see each other's marks and just think it's a different Lawrence or Ahkmenrah, and I'll be fired, and I'll lose my home, and I'll have to live in a box! No, I'll have to leave the city, the country even, and change my name, and then I'll end up livin' in a box because I can't get two people who are most definitely soul mates together!"

"'Diah, I think you're overreacting a little." The redhead patted the blond's head lightly, "If you do lose your job, it'll be because those two are dense. And you can live with me, dummy. I'm not gonna force you to live in a box." she smiled at him, "Stop freaking out, alright. You're not an idiot."

"I am an idiot."

"Maybe a little, but you're not a total idiot." Amelia shrugged.

Jedediah let out a groan of dismay and propped his head on the female's shoulder, "I am going to scream, and I ain't ever gonna stop."

"You should put that on a t-shirt."

 

The rest of the day passed by with pretty much eventless.

 

When Jedediah entered the building the local pool was in, the first thing he noticed was how crowded it was.

Like...

There were a lot of people.

This is what he got for being late. How was he supposed to find Nicky in this mess?

Hopefully the kid was already with either Larry or Ahkmenrah or both.

Maybe the cashier and Egyptian were already together!

...

Talk about your wishful thinking.

Jedediah sighed and started weaving his way through the sea of people. If he could find the music equipment, he's probably also find Nicky.

"How are there so many people here?" The Texan muttered spotting the DJing station.

And also Nicky.

"You know where Gigantor and Ahk are?" Jedediah questioned when he finally reached the cashier's kid.

"I came here with Dad, but we lost each other in the crowd." Nicky began, "Ahk was here too, but I'm not sure where he went. There's a lot of people here."

"Ain't there?" The blond nodded in agreement, "Wanna go find 'em?"

"Duh."

And the search began.

 

They didn't find Larry or Ahk, but they did find McPhee.

"Any luck, Smith?"

"Gimme a break, boss, I just got here."

"Well, you haven't got all day. Hurry up."

"Yessir."

 

And Lancelot.

"Ah, Jedediah, Nicholas, good to see you." Lance smiled.

"I'd say the same to you, but we both know I wouldn't mean it."

"Why are you so salty, Jed?" Nicky questioned crossing his arms.

"I'm secretly a demon from another dimension who's come to torment Lancelot."

"That makes more sense that it should."

 

Also Sacajawea and Theodore.

"Howdy, Wea, Teddy. Enjoyin' yerselves?"

"Yes, we are, Jedediah. Thank you." The female nodded with a smile.

"Any luck with Lawrence and Ahkmenrah?" Teddy asked.

"Ain't seen 'em yet." Jed shrugged.

 

Attila was there too.

"Hey, 'Tila."

There wasn't much conversation there.

Language barriers sucked.

 

There were even some people who didn't regularly visit The Coffee Corner such as Alphonse, Ivan, and Napoleon.

...

Jedediah and Nicky avoided them like the plague.

 

Even Kahmunrah was there. Without Ahkmenrah. The man was crazier than a road lizard and somehow hard to avoid.

Jedediah usually only saw him when Kahkahrah was spying on his younger brother.

"Ah, hello, my dear Jedediah."

Crazy. Crazy. Crazy, Crazy.

"Oh, uh, hey?" The Texan shifted nervously. Like Lancelot, Kahmunrah didn't have a soul mate. Unlike Lancelot, Kahmunrah seemed to fancy Jedediah for some reason or another. It made the Texan waiter highly uncomfortable

"Found that soul mate of yours yet?"

"No."

"Wouldn't it just be easier to settle with someone you don't have to look for?"

"Okay, look here, common ramen, me 'n you jus' wouldn't work, alright? And you know that, don't ya? Even if I didn't have a soul mate, you'd be the last person I'd settle for." Jedediah would honestly rather date Lancelot than Kahmunrah, and that had to be saying something.

Kahmunrah made a displeased face and opened his mouth to speak only to be interrupted by Nicky, "Jed, c'mon, we have a job to do."

"Job?"

"None o' yer business, ya rattlesnake." Jedediah grabbed Nicky's wrist and dragged him away from Ahk's crazy older brother.

 

"Hey, Jed."

"Hello, Nicholas." The Texan raised an eyebrow noting that something had caught the younger's eye.

"Not funny." Nicky deadpanned before gesturing at someone or something or someplace "Does that guy have your name on his shoulder?"

"Are you pullin' my leg right now?" Jedediah was taken aback and looked in the direction the kid had pointed. Sure enough, someone had his name in bold print on their left shoulder blade. Needless to say he started freaking out a bit, "Wh-What do I do?!"

"How would I know?"

The blond opened his mouth to reply but closed it quickly. How would Nicky know? They hadn't received their tattoo yet.

"Okay, um, wait right here, would ya?" He walked off before the younger could reply.

 

Jedediah followed the dark haired man with his name on his shoulder through the crowd.

As best he could anyway.

It was a difficult thing to do.

But not impossible.

 

"Hey, Jed!"

The blond stopped in his tracks and looked around for whoever had called his name.

"Gigantor, there you are! I've been lookin' everywhere for you."

Well, he had gotten sidetracked by-

Oh. Dang it.

Jedediah looked around for the stranger he had been following.

But he was lost in the crowd.

"You were looking for me? Why?"

"To express my undying love for you." Jedediah replied without a moment’s hesitation.

"What?"

"Nicky lost you in the crowd, so I decided to help look for ya."

"Oh, yea, that makes a lot more sense than..." Larry trailed off, "Do you know where Nicky is?"

"Somewhere... In the crowd...?"

"Fantastic."

Jedediah shrugged nonchalantly, "Hey, I'm not their keeper. I told them I'd help find you, and I did." he looked around, "Guess I should probably take ya to them, huh?"

"But you don't know where they are..."

The Texan cleared his throat and cupped his hands over his mouth, "Larry Daley is a loser who couldn't even tie his shoes!"

"Who said that?! Come over here and fight me!"

"There they are."

"Stay off of Tumblr..." Larry sighed as the duo walked over to where Nicky's voice had come from.

 

"I found your dad." Jedediah nodded in the general direction of Larry.

"What about..." Nicky trailed off vaguely.

"Eh, I lost him." The Texan sighed knowing exactly who the younger was referring to.

"Oh... Well, you'll meet him eventually." The nineteen year old replied reassuringly.

"Have ya found Ahk yet?" The blond changed the subject.

"Nope."

"You seen Ahk, Gigantor?"

"I don't think so. Why?" Larry seemed like he was feeling slightly confused like he had missed out on something... Which he had.

"No reason!" Jedediah and Nicky exclaimed in unison causing Larry to turn from confusion to suspicion.

"Uh-huh?"

 

The trio headed back to the DJing station and, lo and behold, there was Ahkmenrah looking around and seeming vaguely lost.

"Hey, Ahk." Nicky ran over to the Egyptian.

Jedediah nearly let out a sigh. Ahk's t-shirt would put a damper on any nonexistent plans he and Nicky had.

"Gigantor, you figure out how to read Arabic yet?"

"Ah, no, why?"

The Texan grabbed the cashier's wrist and started dragging him towards Nicky and the Egyptian, "Hey, Ahk, would ya mind if we asked a favor?"

"Jed, what are you-"

"Of course I don't. What do need?"

"Gigantor's got some Arabic name on his calf, and he can't read it. The language barrier is kinda stoppin' him from findin' his soul mate. Can ya help him out?"

"Jed, what- No, that's not-"

"Shut up, Lawrence." The Texan gave a tired sigh, "I'm down right tired of you two dancin' 'round each other."

"But-"

"No buts! Yer gettin' that name on yer leg read whether ya like it or not, ya hear?!"

"I can read it, Larry. It's not a problem."

"Well, if you're sure."

 

"Th-That's my name!"

"What? Really?"

"I mean, it's probably a different Ahkmenrah, so-"

"I can't believe ya actually said that, hoss." Jedediah sighed in frustration, "I am going to eat my hat I swear it."

"Ahk, you have Dad's name on you, don't you?" Nicky pointed out, "Why would you think his soul mate isn't you?"

"You have my name on you?" Larry asked flabbergasted.

"Man, you are real dense, ain't ya, Gigantor? Ya both are." The Texan nearly facepalmed.

"Well, Ahk did do a good job of hiding it from him." The nineteen year old pointed out.

"You were hiding it?"

"I-I wasn't sure if- I mean, there are- Lawrence is a common name, isn't it?" Ahkmenrah stuttered embarrassed.

"Why didn't ya just ask him?"

"I thought he would have said something. How many Ahkmenrah's do you know?"

"I can't read Arabic."

"I didn't know it wasn't in English."

"And, Gigantor, why didn't ya ask Ahk to translate? Everybody knows he can read it."

"...."

"Dad, please."

"I am actually seriously gonna eat my hat. Will you just- I dunno- Kiss or somethin' 'cause this is just plumb ridiculous?"

 

The day after the pool party, Jedediah had to run a few errands, but after that he payed a visit to Amelia. Of course. Where else would he go?

"Say, 'Diah, when was the last time you saw that customer of yours?"

"Why's he my customer?"

"Well, you see him so much, and you always end up waiting on him at The Coffee Corner." Amelia explained as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Jedediah rolled his eyes, "Fine." he thought about her questioned, "I ain't seen him in a few days. Thursday was the last time I think." he sighed, "Guess he decided not to go to the party."

"What a shame. Would've been nice to see him, huh?"

"Yea..." The blond replied distractedly, "No, wait, what? Why would I want to see him? I don't care that he didn't go, and I wouldn't have cared if he had. It ain't none of my concerns what he does and doesn't do, Am. I know what game yer plain'. Now stop it."

"When are you gonna realize that the reason you two keep seeing each other all over the place is because-"

"Amelia, yer killin' me. How 'bout you worry 'bout yer love life, and I'll worry 'bout mine?"

"Oh, don't be such a hypocrite, Jedediah. I'm not the one who risked their job to get people together, am I?"

What was he supposed to say to that?"

"Gimme a break, Am..."

"Never. Now, how was the party yesterday, 'Diah?”

Talk about an abrupt topic change...

"Hoo boy, it was crazy, Am. There were more folks than I expected to be there, and it took a while to actually find Gigantor and Ahk. We got 'em together though, so I ain't out of a job. Ya know what though? Ahk actually said that he thought Gigantor's soul mate was a different Ahkmenrah, and I just- I swear I was mad enough to swallow a horn-toad backwards." he sighed and paused contemplating whether to tell Amelia what else had happened, "And I saw my soul mate."

The female perked up almost immediately and a smile lit up her face, "Really? That's great! What's he like?"

"I said I saw him, Am; I didn't say I met him."

"Oh." The redhead visibly deflated, "That's too bad. You lost him in the crowd then?"

"Yea." Jedediah sighed leaning back on the couch before coming to a sudden realization.

Amelia apparently came to the same realization, "You have his name on your ankle, 'Diah. Why did you just call it out?"

The Texan buried his face in the nearest pillow, "I'm an idiot, aren't I, Am?"

"Yes."

 

Most people either wished for or feared the day when they'd finally meet their soul mate. They wondered what their destined partner would be like. Nice, funny, and stunningly beautiful? Rude, cruel, and just plain ugly inside and out? An awful sense of humor with the most generous personality or a great sense of humor with the most uncharitable personality? Of course there was no way of knowing until they met, but still. And despite everything Jedediah said, he couldn't help but wonder too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, wow, who was the mysterious stranger with Jed's name tattooed on him? Yea, alright, we all know who was. Fight me.  
> Ahkmenrah basically has no canon personality, so I had no idea how to even attempt to write him. It'll get better I promise. Practice makes perfect or something like that.


	6. In Which There Is More Talk Of Soulmates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Also known as: A Slow Day And Another Bus Ride  
> Jedediah gets embarrassed, and Octavius gets inspired

It was Monday morning, and Jedediah was supposed to be working, but how was he supposed to wait on people when there was no one at The Coffee Corner? One would think that after a party, business would be booming, but it seemed that the opposite was true. Jed's work place hadn't been this quiet since he had first accepted the job.

At least Larry and Ahkmenrah looked happy.

He wondered if he'd be that happy when he finally found his soulmate. He's been so close to meeting 'Octavius,' but he had missed his shot.

He wondered if he'd get another chance.

The door opened, and Jedediah let out a sigh. At least he had something to do for the moment. He turned to see who had entered The Coffee Corner and was not the least bit surprised to see a certain unpublished author heading towards his usual table.

The waiter walked over to the customer, "Well, howdy, hoss. Where were ya Saturday? I didn't see ya at the party."

"I was there for a while," The dark haired man replied, "but the, uh, crowd was a bit much. There were far too many people."

If Jed were being honest, he had kind of wanted to see the author at the party. He wasn't entirely sure why, but still...

"Are you alright?" The author asked, "You look upset."

The waiter was taken aback and quickly tried to straighten himself out, "Uh, yea, just- Just thinkin' about... Things." he did not need the other man to know that he had wanted him to attend the party... Things could get pretty awkward, "Nothin' important though, so don't ya worry. Not that ya were worried! Why would ya even be worried 'bout me? Ya don't even like me, right? So, uh, whatever. Gigantor and Ahk finally got together."

 

Octavius raised an eyebrow in amusement but decided not to torment the poor blushing waiter, "Yes, I had figured that. After all, you still have your job."

"Oh, uh, right."

"A job that you should probably be doing right now." The author added before noting that Smith looked about ready to explode, "Are you sure you're alright?" he was taken by surprise when the waiter answered only with a noise that didn't sound human.

They stared at each other for what felt like forever in an awkward silence before the blond finally spoken, "What'll ya have?"

"The usual please." Octavius replied. He let out a sigh as the waiter walked away after jotting down the order. He had gone to the party to find Smith, but the unruly crowd made that nigh impossible. So, he had given up and gone home. Of course, he would never tell the waiter he was looking for him. They weren't even supposed to like each other, so why either of them go looking for the other?

He pinched the bridge of his nose and tried think about his story, but... His thoughts refused to focus on anything other than the waiter with the beautiful blue eyes. Octavius still didn't know his name.

Smith walked back over with Octavius' order, and the Italian looked at his name pin... Or where one would be anyway.

"Where's your name tag?"

The blond sat the author's coffee down and smiled sheepishly, "I, uh, kinda lost it." he shrugged, "But everyone who comes here knows all are names, so it ain't no big deal."

The author stirred his coffee nervously, "Everyone?"

He didn't. It had been a little over a week, and he had no idea what Smith's first name was.

"Give or take a couple of folks." The Texan replied, "Today seems like a real slow day, so it'll probably be fine."

 

Jedediah looked around the cafe before taking a seat. The only customers there were the author, Teddy, and Ahk. If they needed him or Lance, they could just call. And his boss wasn't even there. McPhee had apparently caught a cold or something after the pool party. Jed put his elbows on the table and placed his head in his palms, "How's that book o' yers comin' along?"

I'm afraid I've gotten a bit stuck." The customer let out an annoyed sigh, "Writer's block is the worst."

"I'll bet." The waiter chuckled, "But ya better get passed it 'cause I'm dyin' to read yer book, hoss." he winked.

"Don't you have work to do?"

"Ain't nobody here really. Like I said, it's a real slow day." Jedediah looked over his shoulder, "Anybody need anything?"

There was no reply.

"See? Can't work if nobody needs anything."

"I need something."

"What?"

"You to leave."

"Aw, and here I thought we had finally gotten over our differences." The Texan whined.

"I am never going to forgive you for spilling coffee on me."

 

Octavius was a liar. Truth be told, he was over having a hot beverage accidentally poured on him.

For the most part anyway.

Smith let out a long sigh, "Never?" his shoulders slumped, "Yer loss, amigo. We coulda had somethin' real nice, but if that's the way ya wanna play..."

The waiter actually looked... Dejected.

But Octavius had no idea whether he was joking or if he was serious, "I, um..."

The blond's sad gaze met his worried one, and he smiled, "Relax, compadre, I'm just jokin'." he paused, "Kinda."

Kinda? What was Octavius supposed to say to that? The author decided to say nothing and sip at his coffee.

 

Jedediah glanced at his watch, "Well, time for me to clock out."

He stood up as the author asked, "Where are you going once you leave?"

"Why? Wanna follow me around?"

"On the contrary, I'd like to avoid you."

"Well, lucky for you, I'm headin' home."

 

And of course they ended up on the bus together.

 

And of course they ended up sitting next to each other.

 

And of course they ended up sitting in silence.

 

"Do ya ever worry that yer not gonna meet yer soul mate?" Jedediah broke the silence between them when they were nearly to their stop.

"Sometimes, but I think I could still be happy if I didn't." The author replied after a moment.

"Well, yea, I mean, there's more to life than romantic love, but still..." The blond paused, "Folks who don't have soul mates or aren't able to find 'em are looked down upon, ya know?"

"Does it matter what other people think?"

"Yea. People try not to let other people get 'em down, but it, well, it matters. Maybe it matters less to some people, but nobody wants to be looked down on or made to feel... Small."

The dark haired man looked taken aback, "Has anyone ever made you feel small? Is that even a possibility? I thought-"

"Ya thought what? That I'm an arrogant sod that don't give a dang 'bout nothin'? I only act like that, hoss." Jedediah snapped, "Ain't you ever felt small and insignificant?"

 

Octavius wasn't sure what to say, so he simply answered the Texan's question, "I suppose I have, yes." he thought back to their previous interactions, "If I've ever done or said anything to make your feel that way..."

"Kemosabe, the only way you've ever made me feel is annoyed." The waiter huffed.

"Liar."

"Eh?"

"I seem to recall quite a few embarrassed blushes." The author smirked, "Perhaps you'd like a little help remembering?"

The blond turned red and looked away, "I ain't got no clue what yer talkin' 'bout, amigo."

Octavius took the other man's hand in his own, "Pity. You are truly beautiful when you blush."

The red color on the waiter's face seemed to not only darken but also spread. He looked at the author with a most defiant expression, "Will you knock that off, kemosabe?"

"Am I not allowed to speak my mind?"

 

Jedediah squirmed but he made sure his defiant look was still in place, "If folks hear you talkin' like that and figure out we're not-"

"I don't care what other people think." The author interrupted, "Not too much at least."

"Well, what ya meet yer soulmate, and they find out you've been flirtin' with someone else?"

"He doesn't get an opinion because I haven't even met him yet." The author replied rephrasing Jed's words from Thursday.

The waiter rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, "Well..."

 

Somehow Octavius had gotten so drawn into their conversation he completely walked by his own house and found himself standing on Smith's porch.

The blond rubbed his arm in a somewhat awkward manner, "So, uh, I guess I'll see you around, huh?"

"Of course. How could I pass up a chance to see someone as beautiful as you?" Octavius questioned with a slight smirk.

"I, uh, I-I-I-I- You don't mean that." The waiter blushed

"Yes, I do."

 

Jedediah looked at the author, and wow, he was really close. There was, what, maybe four or five inches between them? Jedediah futilely tried to move back before realizing he was already leaning against his door.

Do, uh, do you..." The Texan swore he usually knew how to form sentences with unnecessary stuttering.

"Hm?" Did he just get closer?

Every single word that Jedediah knew just left him. He could think of anything except the man in front of him getting closer and closer.

"Has anyone ever told you that you have very lovely eyes?" The author asked quietly.

Their noses were practically touching, and either one of them could easily close the small gap between them.

"N-No, I don't think so?" The blond answered just as quietly.

"Well, you do. So very, very lovely and incredibly blue."

"I, um, I-I-I-" Jedediah reached blindly for the doorknob.

"Yes?"

He found it and, "I have things to do!" he opened the door nearly falling inside his house, and he shut the door before the author had any time to react.

Jedediah felt his face heat up dramatically, and he started taking deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself. It wasn't working very well.

What in tarnation just happened?

 

Octavius stared at the door the waiter decided to hide behind. Not that the author blamed him.

"I did invade his personal space..." He muttered under his breath as he started his walked to his own house, "This is embarrassing. I can't believe I almost-" he stopped and blushed slightly, "This will make future interactions awkward..." he chuckled, "He'll most likely yell at me next time we meet if he doesn't avoid me entirely." he crossed the street and sighed, "If he were my soulmate, I wouldn't be too disappointed. Although, I doubt he feels the same."

If only real life were like his novel. He could only imagine how much easier a world without soulmates must be.

"I really must break this habit of talking to myself."

 

When Octavius entered his home he found himself struck by inspiration by the earlier events, and he sat down and started to write until the odd hours of the night. He wrote of his world where people were allowed to love who they pleased without being shunned for it. He wrote of people whom would never be able to love each other elsewhere.

He didn't realize how much they reminded him of himself and the waiter.

 

Jedediah, on the other hand, found himself staring at his ceiling in a desperate attempt to fall asleep. Instead, he found himself wishing that the author could be his soulmate despite how unlikely it was. After all, the author knew his name, right? The waiter did have a name tag. So, there was no way the fates wanted them together.


	7. Or The One Where Kahmunrah Needs To Stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Bad Days And Supermarkets

It was Tuesday.

Jedediah glanced over his shoulder to see that a certain author was still making heart eyes at that Lancelot. The Texan had been minding his own business and waiting table like he was supposed to be doing, but how was he supposed to be doing that when someone was laughing so loudly?

Lancelot wasn’t even funny!

Jedediah let out a long sigh not loud enough for really anyone to hear, and he leaned against the counter. He didn’t know why the author giving Lancelot moon eyes was so troubling to him, but… Whatever he was feeling at the moment he didn’t like it… Nor did he have a name for it.

The first thing that came to his mind was jealousy, but that could be right. What did Jedediah have to be jealous about?

Hearing the author laugh again, the Texan goes back to work but not before glaring at his co-worker, “Hey, Lancelot, don’t ya got some people to wait on?”

The Brit grimace, “Yes, yes. Sorry we’ll have to finish this conversation later.”

Oh joy.

Still maybe now he’d be able to shake off whatever it was he was feeling.

 

He couldn’t.

 

As Lancelot went back to work, Octavius sighed and focused his attention on his word document. Or he tried to anyway. Truth be told, he had only been flirting with the Brit to make the Texan jealous.

Unfortunately…

He couldn't really tell if it worked or not.

Octavius peered over the top of his laptop at Smith who seemed to be taking Teddy’s order. The Texan seemed fine. A little grumpy, but that could have been because of anything. Generally, just the idea of dealing with Lancelot seemed to put a damper on Smith’s mood. Turning his gaze downward, Octavius picked up his coffee and took a drink.

A poor decision on his part.

His once hot beverage was now lukewarm and very disgusting.

He saved what little work he had done and got up to throw the drink away. He was less than halfway to the nearest trash bin when he tripped.

And spilled his coffee on a certain Texan.

Smith sighed, “Just what I’ve always wanted. Thanks a bunch, kemosabe.”

“Well, maybe if you hadn’t gotten in my way…” Octavius trailed off knowing full well it was not the Texan’s fault.

“Yea, yea. You gonna keep singin’ the same ole tune? Or are ya gonna move so I can clean this up?” The waiter’s frown only deepened.

Octavius retracted his previous thought about the Texan seeming perfectly fine albeit a bit grumpy… Of course, he did just have coffee spilt on him. Still though…

“Aren’t you going to yell me?”

“Don’t feel like it, hoss. ‘Sides, it ain’t the first time someone’s spilt coffee on me, and unlike some folks, I can forgive it.”

Passive aggressiveness? That didn’t seem his style.

“Right, well, I’ll just go then…”

“Ya ain’t gotta go.” Smith turned and headed towards the backroom possibly to find a mop, “Buy yerself another coffee. Why don’t ya get Lancelot to take yer order?” he spat the Brit’s name almost as if it were poisonous, “Ya obviously like talkin’ to him.” he disappeared into the room with the sign that read: Employees Only.

Octavius frowned. Obviously his previous interaction with Lancelot had made Smith feel something. Too bad he wasn’t sure what. Jealousy? Anger? Did the Texan hate him again?

“Looks like you need to work on your people skills.” Amelia spoke up from her table with Custer.

The redhead’s soulmate started laughing, “I don’t think he’s the only one, Amelia.”

“You’re right.” The female nodded, “They’re both hopeless.”

Octavius spared the door Smith had gone through a glance before silently packing up his laptop and leaving The Coffee Corner.

But not before bumping shoulders with Ahmenrah’s older brother.

 

Jedediah came out of the backroom with a mop only to see the author leaving and Ahk and Kahmunrah coming in.

Could this day possibly get any worse?

He had woken up late and barely made it to work on time only to find the author making heart eyes at Lancelot. Not thirty minutes after that, the Italian had spilled coffee on him. Accidently and lukewarm but still. And then there’s Kahkahrah.

Jedediah swore he was moving back to Texas as soon as he mopped up the split coffee.

As Ahkmenrah found a table close to the cashier, Kahmunrah found Jedediah.

“Can I help you with something?” The blond asked bitterly as he started to mop.

“My, my, having a rough day, dear?” The Egyptian raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t call me that.” The Texan sighed completely ignoring the other man’s question.

“Perhaps I can do something to make it better?”

Jedediah scowled at Kahmunrah, “Listen here, you rattlesnake, ain’t you got somethin’ better to do than botherin’ me? I got work to do and no time to put up with the likes of ya.” he nodded in the direction of a certain Brit, “Lancelot ain’t got a soulmate, same as you, so why don’t ya go bother him?”

“Well, he’s not as cute as you are.”

“Rude.”

“Oh, for the love of- I ain’t cute!”

“Why don’t you listen here, Kahmunrah?” Amelia was suddenly at Jedediah’s side, “Jed’s got a soulmate, and it certainly isn’t the likes of you.”

“Brother, will you leave Jed alone?” Ahkmenrah rolled his eyes as Larry sighed seemingly in dismay, “Unlike you, some people do have jobs.”

Kahmunrah sneered at his younger sibling, “You don’t have a job either.”

“No, but I go to college. What are you doing? Besides hounding other people I mean.”

“Just order something. What I do is none of your business.” Kahmunrah turned back to Jedediah and opened his mouth to begin to speak, but it was then that McPhee walked in from the backroom.

“Oh, it’s you again.” The owner of The Coffee Corner droned, “If you don’t stop harassing my employees, I will kick you out of my cafe. Understand?”

The older Egyptian seemed to consider his option before heading to the table Ahk had chosen. Jed was pretty sure everyone in the cafe heard what Kahmunrah had muttered under his breath.

“Fine, fine. After all, I’m never able to find the cute little cowman anywhere else.”

The Texan looked at Amelia, “Why me?”

The redhead shrugged obviously having no answer.

“Smith, a word if you please?” McPhee pinched the bridge of his nose and walked into the backroom.

Jedediah followed of course and shut the door behind him, “Sir?”

“If Kahmunrah bothers you again while you’re here I want you to tell me.”

“I- What?” The Texan was confused. He hadn’t thought his boss actually cared.

“I can’t do anything outside of The Coffee Corner, but I can kick him out of here.” McPhee clarified. Sort of.

“But you’ll loose a customer.”

“Yes, well, better him than you.” The boss replied distracted, “You’re one of my best waiters, Smith. If you leave because you’re uncomfortable, the cafe might actually suffer. You remember what happened when Mr. Daley quit? We lost more and more customers until he came back.”

So, he did have the cafe best interests at heart. Jedediah rolled his eyes but smiled nonetheless. How predictable.

“So, if he bothers you, let me know, understand?”

“Yessir.” The Texan nodded and looked at the mop still in his hand. He should probably put that away.

 

After his shift, which had gotten significantly better after McPhee’s intervention, Jedediah went to the supermarket.

And his mood took a steep fall.

They were out of milk somehow and cheese. How?

But they did have a sale on the cereal aisle. Buy one get one Kahmunrah free.

He should have worked overtime…

“Ah, Jedediah, what a surprise, seeing you here.”

“Not much of a surprise if ya ask me, ya ramen noodle. Folks gotta eat, and this is is the best place to shop.” The Texan replied browsing the cereal until he found what he was looking for. He walked away from the crazy Egyptian.

Or he would have if Kahmunrah hadn’t decided to follow him.

“Didn’t ya learn anything at The Coffee Corner?”

“Yes, well, you’re boss can’t kick me out of the supermarket, can he?”

“Why won’t you just leave me alone?!”

 

Octavius had just entered one aisle when he heard someone yelling in the next.

It sounded like Smith…

And he sounded close to a panic attack.

The Italian left the aisle he was on - he’d have to come back. He did need cereal - and went to the next.

It was Smith, and it looked like he was being harassed by the man Octavius had bumped into earlier… Ahkmenrah’s brother.

“You’re so cute when you’re angry, you know that?”

“I ain’t cute, ya dagum loon! Now hit the road!”

The Texan looked ready to run away, and the author decided to intervene before something went really wrong.

“Is something wrong?”

Well, obviously something was wrong, but…

Smith groaned obviously not very pleased to the Italian, “Look, I got everythin’ under control, hoss. I don’t need you comin’ over here all high and mighty, ya got it? I already got one headache,” he jabbed his thumb in the Egyptian’s direction, “I don’t need another.”

Octavius raised in hands to show that he hadn’t come for a fight, “Calm down. I came because you look like you need help.” he turned to - what was his name - Kahmunrah, “He obviously doesn’t want to be bothered by you, so why don’t you leave him alone?”

Now that he thought about it, he had seen the Egyptian at The Coffee Corner with Ahk. Every time Octavius saw him, Kahmunrah always had his eyes on either Ahkmenrah or Smith.

“Well, it seems as if you have another little helper, my dear.” Kahmunrah sighed, “Very well, but next time I’ll make sure there’s no one around to save you.”

And he left.

“Are you alright?” Octavius asked the Texan.

“No.” Was the short, blunt reply that the Italian should have been expecting.

“Is there anything I can do?”

“You’ve done enough, kemosabe.” Smith sounded grateful. Tired but grateful. He sighed, “Unless you plan on stickin’ ‘round me all day every day, there’s nothin’ else you can do. I never know when that snake is gonna pop out of a bush.”

“… Has he actually done that before?”

“Once.” The Texan admitted, “Scared me so bad, I punched him before I realized who it was. After I saw it was him, I punched him again.”

“Why don’t you file a restraining order?”

“I have. Thrice.” The blond ran a hand through his hair, “Ain’t nobody doin’ anything. They keep tellin’ me that he’s all bark and no bite, but I doubt that. They also keep sayin’ that he’s only doin’ this 'cause he ain’t got a soulmate and he’s just lonely. Like that eases my mind any.”

Wait…

“Why don’t you get angry at me like that when I-”

“Listen, unless you start poppin’ outta bushes, I don’t mind too much. But if ya do then we’ll be havin’ words, amigo.”

“Hm, in that case, perhaps I should stay be your side twenty-four seven.”

“Wonder what Lancelot would say 'bout that…”

So, Smith was actually still angry at him.

“Lancelot who? The only person I’m worried about at the moment is you.”

And that wasn’t Octavius just flirting with the Texan. He meant it. He really was worried about the blond’s safety now that he knew about Kahmunrah.

“God, you’re so corny, ya know that, hoss?”

“Why, there’s no need to call me God, love.”

“I’m gonna punch you.”

“But I haven’t even jumped out of any bushes.”


	8. Kisses In The Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternative title: Cats And Clubs  
> Octavius finds a cat, and Amelia takes Jedediah everywhere.

 Jed was started awake by the ringing of his phone. Looking at his digital clock, he groaned.

Why would someone call him at 7 in the morning on a Saturday? Who would?

Picking up his phone off the bedside table, he looked at the caller ID.

Amelia. Of course she would.

He answered, "Am, do you realize what time it is?"

"Yes, I do, Jeddy."

"Whataya want?"

"Just letting you know that we're hanging out today."

"We are?"

"You betcha. George is busy today, so me 'n you are going to the movies."

"When?"

"One o'clock."

"Why are you tellin' me now? Couldn't this of waited 'til a more reasonable hour?"

"Just had to make sure you didn't make any plans."

"Well, what if I already had?"

"Funny."

"I'm going back to sleep, Am."

"Jed-"

The Texan hung up before his best friend could finish whatever she was going to say.

 

At the more reasonable hour of 12 noon, Jedediah got up. Of course, this only gave him an hour to get ready for Amelia. Even though he hadn't actually given her a reply, there was no doubt she's show up at his door in an hour.

No doubt at all.

So, he took a quick shower and changed into a simple t-shirt and jeans. He walked into the kitchen for breakfast. At 12:30, Jedediah heard a knock on his door. It was probably Amelia...

 

It wasn't.

"Do you own a cat?" A certain author questioned holding up a calico feline.

"Do I own a- No?" The waiter raised an eyebrow, "Why?"

"I found this one on my porch, and-"

"Wow, have you been going door to door trying to figure out if it belongs to anyone?"

"Yes." The author replied curtly, "Is that a problem?"

"Nah, hoss, ain't a problem." Jed shook his head, "Awfully kind o' ya to try to return 'em to their home, but it looks like a stray to me."

"I was afraid of that." The other man sighed, "What should I do with her."

"Her? Well, ya got three options, amigo. You can let her go, take her to a shelter, or take her yerself. Personally, I'd take her in."

"Well, why don't you?"

"Why don't you?"

"Why don't you both?" Amelia walked up, "What are you arguing about this time?"

"A cat."

"I'll take it in." The redhead shrugged.

Jedediah gasped and took the cat from the author, "No, your dog will eat her! I'll take her."

"Able wouldn't eat her, and you know it."

"Your dog is evil. Not as bad as Gigantor's dog, but still..."

"Dexter is a troublemaker, but he's not too bad."

The author cleared his throat, "I'll just leave you two then, shall I?"

Jedediah looked at his watch, "I still have another 25 minutes until I have to meet someone."

"Who are you meeting?" The dark-haired male asked.

"Amelia."

Said female rolled her eyes, "Fight me."

"No thanks."

The author chuckled, "I'll leave you two to it."

 

"Where are we going anyway?" Jedediah asked from his spot on the bus.

"We're going to the movies." Amelia, who was sitting next to him, replied.

"Why?"

"Because I said so, Jed."

Jedediah shrugged as the bus came to a stop, "Alright, alright."

 

They saw three different movies despite only buying one ticket each.

"You know, you look just like Owen Wilson." Amelia said as the left the movie theater.

"Why does everyone think that?" Jedediah scratched his cheek, "I don't see it."

"How do you not see it?!" The redhead questioned flabbergasted, "It's so obvious!"

"What's obvious?"

"Mind yer own business, Lancelot."

"Don't you think Jed looks like Owen Wilson?"

"If you ask me, Jedediah looks like a monkey."

"What?! Why you-"

"Oh no..."

"Who asked you anyway, huh? Am asked if I looked like Owen Wilson, not what you think I look like, you no-good, yellow-bellied son of a-"

"Last I checked I was allowed to state my opinion." Lancelot interrupted the Texan, "It's not my fault if you take it personally."

"How was I not supposed to take that personally?!"

The Brit shrugged, "The truth does hurt I suppose."

"You wanna go?!"

"Go where?"

"Oh my God!"

Amelia rolled her eyes, "Jed, let's just go. Stop trying to fight Lancelot."

"But-"

"Jed."

The Texan sighed, "Fine. Where are we going?"

The Brit coughed, "Whipped."

Jedediah punched him.

 

"Am, it's seven. Can I go home now?" Jedediah yawned.

"After punching Lance? No. We're going to the bar." Amelia replied lightly hitting his shoulder.

"Which bar?" The Texan could practically feel the British waiter sitting near the back of the bus and scowling at him.

"The Bar." The redhead answered as if that clarified anything.

"Which- Okay. Whatever you say, Am."

 

They got off the bus at the corner of Allen Street and Simmons Road with Lancelot following after them.

"Why is he following us?" Jedediah asked quietly as they walked further down Simmons Road.

"Maybe he has a crush on you."

"Yea, right." The Texan rolled his eyes, "You've said crazy things before, Am, but that really takes the cake."

"Fair enough." Amelia shrugged, "Well, what if he wants to be friends with you."

"That'll be the day."

The redhead looked over her shoulder, "Heya, Lance, why don't you come join us?"

"Am, no."

"Am, yes." Amelia sighed, and Jedediah knew this was getting ridiculous, but...

 

"At least I'm not being stalked by a crazy Egyptian."

Lancelot was unbearable.

"At least I don't take everythin' completely literally."

"At least people can understand me."

"Yer all hat and no cattle."

"Cowboy."

"That's cowman to you, ya yellow-bellied snake."

"Boys, please."

 

Eventually, they made it to the bar which was actually called The Bar...

But it was more a club. A club called The Bar. A little confusing.

"Alright, Am, I'm here, but why?" Jedediah asked sparing Lancelot a short glance.

"Grand opening, Jeddy."

The Brit raised an eyebrow and let out an airy laugh, "Jeddy?"

"Hey, lay off, hoss." The Texan glared, "I didn't ask to be called that, and it ain't like I can stop her. Am does what she wants, and you know it." he sighed getting a bit tired of fighting.

 

The place was crowded, and Jedediah had quickly lost track of both Amelia and Lancelot...

 Not that he had been trying to keep track of the Brit. Honestly, he hoped Lancelot got swept away in the crowd and stayed there. He was going to throw something at the other waiter's head next time he saw him.

Jed found a bar.

And McPhee?

"Howdy, boss, what are you doing here? A club doesn't seem yer style." Jedediah greeted with a short nod.

"Just scoping it out I suppose." The owner of The Coffee Corner replied absentmindedly, "Always good to see what new businesses arrive." he cleared his throat and straightened his tie, "And you? I'd expect to see you at a bar, but a club."

"Amelia dragged me here." The Texan admitted.

"Ah, that makes sense." McPhee nodded, "Well, you'd better be on your best behavior, or else..." he trailed off.

"Yessir." Jedediah sighed wondering what would happen if he made a scene. He eyed the bartender contemplating if it was in his best interest to stay completely sober.

 

Two or three beers later - Jedediah wasn't counting - he was found by Ahkmenrah.

"Jed, have you seen Larry?" The Egyptian questioned looking around, "We were separated in the crowd.

"Join the club, hoss. I lost Amelia somewhere too." The Texan stated, "I ain't seen him, but I'll be sure to keep an eye out for him"

Ahk sighed, "Thank you. If I see Amelia, I'll point her in this direction."

"Thank ya."

 

An x amount of alcohol later, Larry was at Jedediah's side.

"Gigantooor, Ahk was jus' lookin' for ya."

The cashier sighed, "So, I missed him then?" he gave the Texan a once over, "Are you drunk?"

"What do you think?"

"Gonna have to go with yes. But why are you drinking so much?"

"When in Rome?"

"We're in a club called The Bar in Marshton."

"Aw, shucks, Gigan- Giga- Larryyy, why don't ya jus' fight me, huh?"

Larry looked at the bartender, "Cut him off please."

"Why do you hate me?"

"I don't. We're friends, so I'm not going to let you drink until you pass out. How did you even..." The cashier trailed off.

"Hey, hey, ya know that- that customer, uh, I dunno his name, but he's writin' a- a- a book or somethin' an' in the book thing folks don' have soulmates, s'like anythin' is possible, like, if we were all char- charac- people in his book, you 'n me- We could get t-together. How crazy would tha' be?"

"Why are you even bringing that up?"

"I got a cat from him." Jedediah completely ignored the other man's question, "He found a stray or somethin' earlier today. She's a- a, uh, calico, that it, a calico. Don' know what to name her though."

"That's nice, Jed." Larry sighed, "You do have someone looking after her, right?"

"Course I do, hoss. Asked one o' the neighbors to watch her while I was out. Ain't that irresssponsible. Have ya seem Am?"

"No. Did you come here with her?"

"Yea, her 'n Lancey."

"Lance?"

"Yup. Me 'n him got in a fight outside the- the theater thing, and he followed us, so he's here somewhere. Don't care 'bout him though. Hope he staaays lost in the crowd forever."

"No, you don't. We both know you'd be upset if anything happened to him." Larry crossed his arms and gave Jedediah a stern look.

"Maaaaybe, but you'll neeeever know 'cause ain't nuthin' ever gonna happen to him." The Texan stuck his tongue out at the cashier.

"How to you know?"

"Ain't nuthin' happened to him yet."

Larry sighed and looked around until something caught his eye, "Hey, there's Lance."

Jedediah looked at the cashier and then in the direction he was looking and, lo and behold, there really was a Lancelot.

The Texan eyed his empty beer bottles, which were lined up quite nicely, before picking one up and just... Throwing it at the Brit.

"OW!" It hit him on the back of his head.

"Jed, no..."

"Jed, yes." The Texan hopped off the bar stool and disappeared into the crowd before either Larry or Lance could do anything.

 

Jedediah found a near empty corner of the club. The only other occupant being-

"What in tarnation are you doin' here?"

The author, who was leaning against a wall, looked up from his phone - Had he been writing on it? He sure was typing something real quickly - and raised an eyebrow, "Oh, it's you."

Jedediah gave a noncommittal sound of agreement as he took a place next to the author, "Workin' on your story thing?"

"Yes, I would've brought my laptop, but I'd rather it not get stolen, you know? I-" The Italian stopped and leaned closer to the Texan before... Sniffing? He leaned back and raised an eyebrow, "You smell like alcohol."

"Wow, really? Who'd o' thought?" Jedediah crossed his arms, "Oh, an' thanks for the cat. I've been wantin' one fooooooreveeer. Hey, if ya ever need someone to look at yer story an' make any corrections, I could. Not noooow obviously, but later when I'm not..." he gestured at himself.

"Drunk?"

"Yea, yea, that's the word. Say, in yer book world thing, ya said me an' Larry could get together, but- But what me an' you? That's be nice, huh?"

The author's face turned pink, "Would it?"

"Uh-huh."

"You're a, ah, interesting... Person when you're drunk, aren't you? How- How much did you have?"

"Dunnoooo. Say, whataya think would happen if we kissed?"

"What?"

 "Do people kiss if they ain't soulmates? Whataya reckon would happen?" The blond turned to face the author.

"I don't know, and I don't- don't plan on finding out."

"Ah, but I was hopin' me 'n you could find out."

"Defini- Def- No." Octavius blushed slightly.

"What's wrong?" The waiter grinned, "Too yellow to kiss me?"

"You're drunk." The author faced Smith, "Very drunk. Way more drunk that me."

"Don't sound like a problem to me." The blond leaned in until their noses were touching, "C'mon, compa- comp- com- C'mon, amiiigooo, what's one little kiss gonna hurt, huh?"

Octavius titled his head slightly, "D-Don't tempt me."

"Chiiiiicken."

"Am not."

"Prove it, hosss." Smith wrapped his arms around Octavius' neck.

And Octavius did what he thought was rational at the time and kissed Smith.

It was messy, and their teeth clashed. The waiter's lips were chapped, and while at this proximity he smelled like beer and coffee, he only tasted like alcohol.

But in his drunken haze, Octavius thought it was perfect.

The Italian wrapped his arms around the other man's waste and back him against the wall.

 

Jedediah wasn't surprised when the author kissed him. If they had both been sober, it definitely would have come as a shock. Of course, if he were sober the odds of him trying to convince someone – anyone – to kiss him were nonexistent... Still though...

When the author's lips met him, the waiter closed his eyes, and the first things he noticed were the smell of ink and the taste of alcohol. Jed thought the other man only did work on a laptop, but this was obviously not the case. The author's lips were rough, but not as rough as his undoubtedly were. Jedediah let out a small grunt when his back hit the wall.

The author nipped at his bottom lip, "You're going to regret this later, my dear."

"I'll worry 'bout that later." Jedediah muttered against the other man's mouth.

 

Amelia searched through the crowded space for her best friend or at least someone who might know his whereabouts. She attempted to make her way through the sea of humans, but she kept bumping into people.

"Amelia?"

The redhead looked over her shoulder, "Well, if it isn't Mr. Larry Daley. This is quite the party, isn't it?"

"Yea, it's quite," The cashier shrugged, "it's quite the something. Listen, have you seen Ahk? I came here with him, but we got separated."

"I haven't," Amelia replied, "but you can bet I'll keep an eye out for him. Have you seen Jed?"

"I saw him drinking his life away that's for sure." Larry made a face, "Tried to get him to stop, but he wouldn't until he saw Lancelot."

"Lance?"

"Yea, Jed saw Lance and threw a beer at him... Then just walked off."

"He threw a beer at- Of course he did..." Amelia ended with a sigh, "Keep an eye out for me?"

"Yea, sure." Larry nodded before they parted ways.

 

After having an empty beer bottle thrown at him, Lancelot had lost track of everyone. He was considering leaving when-

"Hey, watch it, ace!"

-he ran into someone.

"Apologies, ma'am."

"Oh, Lance, there you are! I was wondering where you had run off to."

"Amelia." The Brit greeted with a nod, "You were looking for me?"

"I was looking for Jed, but you were next on my list."

Lancelot nodded slowly, "At least I was on your list." he paused, "The last time I saw Jed-"

"Was when he threw a beer at you?"

"How did you-"

"Larry told me about that."

"Ah, well, it was empty much to my relief..."

 

They made their way out of the crowd all while bumping into people and narrowly avoiding fights, and they eventually found an almost uninhabited corner. The only other people in the corner were two males - a blond and a dark haired man - who were making out. The blond, whose back was against the wall, had his fingers woven through the other man's hair. The dark haired man had his hands on the blond's hips, but they were slowly traveling elsewhere.

Lancelot, uncomfortable with the public display of affection, coughed nervously.

Amelia rolled her eyes, "Don't get too carried away, boys."

"What don't ya mind yer own business."

Lancelot and Amelia shared a look of surprise.

The Brit cleared his throat, "Jed?"

The other blond looked over the dark haired man's shoulder, "What?"

Jedediah's... Partner let out a disappointed sigh but quickly occupied himself with marking up the Texan's neck.

And Lancelot was completely taken aback, "If I had known you'd start kissing a stranger, I would have kept better track of you."

Amelia shook her head, "So you could make out with him instead?" she walked over to the Texan and stranger.

"Definitely not." The Brit watched the female pull the other two men apart.

"Am!"

"Rude."

 

Amelia looked at Jedediah's... Friend... And lost it. "Wait! What? But you're- Oh my gosh. I cannot believe this! You two are so- Ugh. I'm going to kill both of you." She let out a distressed sigh, "I'm leaving you both here." she shook her head, "No, I'm not. I'm taking you both home. Now."

"I can get home myself." Octavius replied stubbornly.

"Aaaaaam, ya ain't gotta do that." Jedediah whined.

"I'm doing it." Amelia grabbed both of their wrists, "C'mon, 

Lance, I might need your help."

Lancelot chuckled, "This has been quite the interesting day."


	9. Suffering And Suffering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jedediah and Octavius suffer.

"Ugh, I ain’t ever drinkin' again, Am." Jedediah groaned covering his head with a blanket and burying his face in his pillow.

"That's what they all say, Jed." Amelia rolled her eyes debating whether she should turn the light on or leave the Texan in peace in his bedroom.

The blond peaked out from under his blanket, "Will ya at least tell me what happened last night?"

The redhead pursed her lips, "I think you'd be better off not knowing."

"Please?"

"Well, you threw an empty beer bottle at Lance and made out with someone."

Jedediah looked completely appalled, "Who?"

"That's the part you really don't want to know..."

The Texan thought back to the previous night, but all he could remember was McPhee telling him to stay out of trouble... And the faint smell of ink accompanied by slightly chapped lips.

But whose lips were they? Amelia wouldn't tell. She was more stubborn then Jed, so it was useless trying to get any more information from her.

Jedediah's head hurt. He decided to put off thinking about that till later.

"Fine. What else did I do?" The Texan yawned.

"After Lance and I dragged you out of the club, you threw up on my shoes."

"Sorry..."

"You're paying for those."

"Okay."

"You're taking this pretty well."

"Murder me."

"Drink your water, Jeddy. I'll go feed your cat."

 

Later that day, when Jedediah couldn't avoid getting out of bed, he met a certain author at the bus stop.

"Is it just me, or does the sun seem brighter than usual?" The Texan questioned. Thank goodness for sunglasses.

The author closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, "It does seem... A bit... Yes." he looked over at the waiter and squinted, Are those sunglasses?"

"No, they're coffee mugs."

 

Octavius glared and shook his head. He was in no mood for such catty remarks. He felt like his hang over was nowhere near wearing off, and he couldn't remember what he had done the night before... Though he did have a general idea.

He vaguely recalled blond hair, the scent of coffee, and chapped lips pressed against his own.

He vowed he would never go drinking again.

The waiter sighed, "Don'tcha hate when ya can't remember whatcha did last night 'cause ya decided it would be a good idea to get incredibly drunk?"

So, Octavius wasn't alone in the boat?

"You have no idea."

"Guess again, hoss. I threw a bottle at that dang Lancelot last night, and I can't even remember doin' it."

"Why don't you do it again? Sober this time though."

Octavius saw the Texan's brow furrow in confusion, "I thought ya liked Lance?"

The Italian smirked, "Yes, well, I like you more, my dear."

Hungover or not, Octavius would never miss a chance to flirt with the Texan waiter as long as he could help it.

The blond blushed as was expected but made no comment on it. He did, however, switch topics, “Oh, and thanks for the cat. I’ve been wantin’ one forever.”

It was the author’s turn to be confused. He felt as if he were experiencing déjà vu... But he couldn’t be, could he? He had never given a cat to anyone before. He shook his head in a futile attempt to rid himself of such thoughts, “Think nothing of it. She needed a home anyway. Have you named her yet?”

“Sure have, hoss.” The waiter grinned, “Flapjack.”

Octavius didn’t know why, but he laughed remembering how he once refused to order something the Texan had recommended, “Interesting name.”

 

They both ended up at the supermarket.

And they ran into Larry and Ahkmenrah.

Meaning Jedediah nearly literally crashed into Larry.

“Hey, guys.” The cashier greeted with a small smile, “What are you to up to?”

“Larry, we’re at supermarket. What do you think we’re up to?” The author raised an eyebrow.

“We’re selling cookies for girl scouts.” Jedediah added.

“Knowing you,” Larry nodded at the waiter, “I wouldn’t be surprised. Done any skydiving lately?”

“You skydive?” The Italian questioned curiously.

“Yea, but I haven’t lately. Landin’ in the middle of cannibalistic tribe’ll ruin things like that for ya.”

“I thought you were joking about that.” Ahkmenrah raised an eyebrow.

“I wish.” Jedediah shivered, “That was terrifyin’.” He took a breath, “’Sides kinda hard to do things like that when ya live off tips.” He paused, “Maybe I can convince Am to take me again....”

“Does Amelia even have a job?” Larry asked.

“What? O’ course she does.”

“What does she do?”

“She- Ya know what? Nevermind that! Why would you think she don’t have a job? She lives by herself. I mean, it’s her and her dog. What? Did ya think it was Able who’s been payin’ her bills?”

“I thought she lived with Custer.” The cashier admitted.

 

Octavius found it very humorous yet very alarming when the waiter let out an aggravated, inhuman sound.

“Custer? Custer?! Custer can’t even take care o’ himself! He ain’t even got a job! How he’s even still alive I ain’t got no clue! There ain’t no way he could take care o’ Am! She’s far too good for him. Heck, Custer ain’t even good enough fer a cow!” The Texan carried on his long, angry rant, “That no-good, two-bit son of- Why, he wouldn’t know a flapjack from a flyswatter!”

“You either think very highly of Amelia or very lowly of Custer.” Octavius interrupted, “Or both perhaps?”

“Custer is so- I can’t- Ugh!” The waiter grabbed a box of cereal and stormed off.

The author raised an eyebrow, “That was... Interesting.”

“You should hear him actually rant about Lancelot.” Larry sighed and shook his head.

“Has anyone else noticed that the more frustrated he gets the thicker his accent becomes?” Ahkmenrah questioned.

 

Octavius, purchasing the few things he needed, found the Texan waiting for someone outside the supermarket. The author walked over to the waiter, “Are you alright?”

“Yea, sorry about that, hoss. Guess I kinda worked myself into a tizzy, huh?”

“It’s quite alright. Personally, I found it to be quite adorable.”

Whoops. True as it might have been, Octavius hadn’t actually meant to say that aloud.

The waiter blushing made it worth it though.

“I ain’t cute, kemosabe.” The waiter started walking most likely toward the bus stop, “And ya really gotta stop sayin’ stuff like that. If a body hears you talkin’ like that, and they find out we ain’t soulmates, well, who knows what they’ll do.” He sounded... Worried?

Octavius, who was following after the waiter, wanted to admit that he didn’t even know the Texan’s name, but decided to remain silent about it.

The blond sighed, “I know I said I don’t care much about what folks start saying about me, but what if someone gets violent? You could get hurt.”

Octavius was taken aback, “So could you. Do you not care about your own well-being?”

“’Course I do, but...”

”But?”

 

Jedediah found that he cared more about the author- About a guy whose name he didn’t even know more than himself. Obviously he couldn’t admit to that though.

“I don’t need you ending up in a hospital on my conscience.”

Jedediah didn’t lie. If the author ended up in the hospital because of a little flirting, Jed would never be able to forgive himself.

“Well, to be honest, until one of us finds our soulmate, I don’t think I’ll be changing my ways.”

“Gonna be truthful with ya, hoss.” Jedediah chuckled mirthlessly, “My soulmate could be standin’ right beside me, and I wouldn’t even know it.”

“Surely not even you are that dense.” The author raised an eyebrow.

The Texan shrugged, “Well, we’ll probably never know. If I ain’t met him at this point...” he trailed off and shrugged again.

“So, you’ve given up?” The Italian questioned, “What are you going to do then? Live the rest of your life as a single waiter? Settle down with Kahmunrah? What?”

“Well, what am I supposed to do?” Jedediah frowned, “I dunno where this guy could even be, amigo. Ya want me to go lookin’ for him? Want me to go to Europe or Asia or wherever? Ya know how many folks have wasted their lives doin’ that?” he let out an aggravated sigh, “If the fates want me an’ some other guy together that badly, they better do somethin’ ‘bout it ‘cause I ain’t wastin’ my life to look fer one person that I’d be fine without.”

At this point Jedediah didn’t even know why he was still talking. People with such a mindset... They weren’t shunned per say, but... Folks did an awful lot of talking about them behind their backs.

The author opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the rustling of a nearby bush, and what happened next was a blur to Jedediah.

 

As soon as Kahmunrah had revealed himself from the bushes, Octavius had punched him.

And it felt great.

But what was he doing in the bushes in the first place?

Octavius sighed realizing he already knew the answer.

Kahmunrah had most likely been following the Texan.

“Ugh, whataya want, ya ramen noodle?” The waiter grimaced.

“Well, I would like to know why your little friend decided to punch me.” Kahmunrah picked himself off the ground.

“What were you expecting after jumping out of the bushes like that?” Octavius scowled, “A tea party?”

“I’ve done nothing wrong.” Kahmunrah stated crossing his arms, “I was simply wishing to talk to-“

“Him?” The author gestured at the waiter, “Last I checked he doesn’t want anything to do with you.”

Why was he defending the blond? The Texan could most definitely speak for himself.

“H-Hey, hoss, ya know I can talk for myself, right?”

Of course Octavius knew that.

But the waiter looked shaken from Kahmunrah’s sudden appearance, and...

Octavius wanted to protect him.

... The blond. Not Kahmunrah.

 

Jedediah didn’t really understand what the author was trying to accomplish.

“Yes, well, your tactics of dealing with this man obviously aren’t working very well, so I thought I’d give it a shot.”

Kahmunrah rolled his eyes at the author, “If I had a shrink ray, I’d probably eat you.” He turned his attention to the waiter, “My dear, why don’t you come with me? Leave this fool and that soulmate business behind. You said it yourself. If you haven’t met yours at this point.”

Jedediah instantly regretted every word he had ever said, “N-Now you listen here. Just ‘cause the odds o’ me meetin’ my soulmate are dwindlin’ down to the single digits don’ mean I gotta settle fer a rat like you.”

Jedediah would rather be married to Custer than spend a single day with Kahkahrah.

“Who else would take you?”

“Ya ever heard o’ bein’ single?”

“Surely you so not wish to be alone for the rest of your life?”

“I got friends, common ramen, and never call me Shirley.”

Kahmunrah chuckled, “You’re so cute.”

“I ain’t gonna stand bein’ called cute by no one, ‘specially not you! Now leave me alone!”

The Egyptian turned towards the author, “Do you see this? Do you see how absolutely adorable he his?”

 

“I believe he asked you to leave him alone.” Octavius scowled.

How dare this- this fiend upset the waiter so?!

Fiend? Who even...

“Well, if you knew him well enough you’d know he often says things he doesn’t mean.” Kahmunrah retorted.

“It looks like he’s serious to me.”

The Texan looked ready to start crying. He was probably quite tired of having to put up with this... Fiend.

Octavius wondered how long the Texan had had to deal with Kahmunrah’s antics.

“There’s no law saying I have to leave.” The Egyptian smirked.

There could be if they didn’t live in the world they did. Life would be simpler if they were characters in Octavius’ book.

If they were characters in a story, the author could claim the waiter as his. They could fake date to throw off Kahmunrah and eventually fall in love and start actually dating.

But this wasn’t a piece of fiction.

And even if Octavius did harbor romantic feelings towards the Texan, they could never be together.

The Italian’s heart ached at this fact.

And unfortunately, he knew exactly why. Somewhere along the way... He had somehow managed to fall in love with the waiter.

It wasn’t uncommon for people without soulmates to develop feelings for other people, but Octavius had a soulmate, and it wasn’t the Texan. Probably.

Octavius had forgotten that he didn’t actually know the waiter’s name, and he had no idea if the blond knew his. He’d have to ask. Later. When the Texan wasn’t so stressed.

Until then however....

 

Jedediah stared in amazement when the author punched Kahmunrah for a second time.

“Why do you keep doing that?!” The Egyptian shouted after half-recovering from the blow.

“My hand slipped.” The author replied nonchalantly with a shrug, “My apologies.”

“Liar!”

The Italian shrugged again, “Either way we really should be going.” He took hold of Jedediah’s wrist, “I, for one, hope to never see you again.”

The Texan chuckled and looked over his shoulder as the author led him away from the crazed Egyptian, “And I, for one, agree.”

“Don’t make fun of me.”

“But ya make it so easy, hoss.”

They both ignored the loud, long winded protests of Kahmunrah.

 

They reached the bus stop without any further incidents.

“Might I inquire where you are going?” The author asked.

“Think I’m gonna head to The Coffee Corner for a sec or two.  See if anyone’s there, ya know? How ‘bout you?”

“Home. Hopefully.” The Italian replied glancing at the grocery bag Jedediah was carrying, “Do you plan on taking that with you?”

The Texan raised the bad, “Just a box o’ cereal, amigo.”

“If you’d like I could take it to your house?”

“And how do I know ya won’t rob me blind?” The blond raised an eyebrow.

“Do you honestly think I would do that?”

“Yes.” Jedediah took note of the hurt expression that made its way across the author’s face and quickly added, “H-Hey, I’m jus’ jokin’! Ya seem like the honorable type.” With his free hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out four keys, “Uh, half a second...”

“Take your time.” The author smiled in amusement.

“Let’s see... That’s Amelia’s... Gigantor’s... The Coffee Corner... Last one o’ cours.” The handed his house key to the Italian, “That’s one o’ my spares, but if ya loose it, I’ll be sure to beat ya up.”

The author took the key and the bag, “I’ll be sure to put it somewhere you can easily find it.”

“Ah, keep it. I got, like, two other spares at home.”

“Why?”

“They’re real easy to loose...”

Jedediah didn’t know what he was doing. He didn’t give keys to just anyone. Only he, Amelia, and Larry had a key to his house.

Well, and now this guy.... A guy whose name he didn’t even know!

Of course, the author had just stood up to Kahmunrah for him...

The bus arrived at the stop, and the duo found a seat near the back. The sat in silence for the longest time before Jedediah spoke.

“Ya know I could’ve handled common ramen myself, right?

The author seemed to be taken by surprise, “What? Yes, of course, but,” he paused, “I think you’ve been dealing with him for long enough. You seemed... Very stressed.”

Jedediah sighed and leaned back attempting to relax, but conversations about Ahkmenrah’s brother always made him anxious, “I’ve been in Marshton for about five years, and out o’ those five years, that snake has been followin’ me around for four.”

“That long?!” The Italian was obviously very shocked, “I would have left.”

Jedediah ran a hand through his hair, “Most people woulda, yea. But I got no doubt that even if I went back to Texas, he’s be right at my heels.” He let out of a long, tired sigh, “Ain’t really nuthin’ I can do.” He chuckled, “One time, after the first week o’ knowin’ him and Ahk – I was workin’ at The Coffee Corner mind you – Ahk rushed in sayin’ Kah was on his way, and I left through the closest exit.”

“Which was?” The author inquired curiously.

“A window.”

“You left your job through a window.” The Italian obviously didn’t believe him.

“Uh-huh.” Jedediah nodded, “That’s how I met Amelia. I leapt before I looked and landed on her.”

“Was she okay?”

“Oh, she was fine! Started yellin’ at me like I had done broken her fine china though. We’ve been friends ever since.” Jedediah smiled, “Anyway, after common ramen and Ahk left and I went back, McPhee yelled at me ‘cause no one told him why I was gone.” He laughed, “He almost fired me before I could tell him what happened.” He rubbed his arm sheepishly, “Told me not to do it again and said that when Kahmunrah came ‘round I should just hide in the backroom.” He sighed and his smile fell, “I become real good at hidin’ from him, but...”

“But?”

“I got tired of it.” The Texan glanced at the author, “Sorry. I dunno why I’m tellin’ ya all this.”

“No, no, it’s fine.” The Italian smiled gently, “I enjoy learning things about you.”

“Learn anything interestin’?”

“I’m fairly certain there’s nothing uninteresting about you.”

Jedediah felt his face heat up slightly.

Why did he blush at even the smallest compliment this guy paid him? It was dumb, and the Texan knew he was being ridiculous, but still... What was he supposed to do about the butterflies that liked fluttering around in his stomach when he was with the author? Digest them? He wasn’t likely to do that anytime soon.

If he was being honest, Jedediah would admit that if they didn’t live in a world where people had soulmates, he’d consider dating the author. But they didn’t live in a world like that.

They couldn’t be together.


	10. Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things happen

The bus came to a stop, and Jedediah spared the author a glance, “If ya take anythin’ from my place, I’ll know.”

“Noted.” The Italian smiled, “Now leave before the bus starts going again.”

“Oh, don’t rush me.” The Texan shrugged but got off anyway.

 

When he made it to the coffee shop, he saw that Teddy and Sacajawea were there. He made his way over to the couple.

“Howdy, Teddy, Wea. How’re you two doin’?”

“Afternoon, Jed.” Teddy greeted, “We’re doing fine, right, my dear?”

“We are.” Sacajawea nodded, “How are you?”

Jedediah replied with a shrug, “Been better. Ran into Kahmunrah...”

The history professor grimaced, “How did that go?”

“That- Oh, what’s his name? The author that’s been comin’ around here? He punched him. Twice.”

“Outstanding!” Teddy smiled, “It’s about time someone did!”

“... I did once.”

“Once, and that was only because he startled you. You probably would have punched anyone who had popped out of the bushes like that, lad.”

“Fair enough.”

“You don’t know his name?” The baker questioned, “I thought you two were dating.”

Jedediah was taken aback, “Yer jokin’, right?”

“She is not.” Teddy replied for his soulmate, “And to be honest, I thought you two were as well.”

“Are you- What? Why in the world would ya think that?”

“Well, you two are always together.” Wea answer.

“No, we ain’t.” Jedediah took a seat, “Am an’ me always together. Me an’ him jus’ run into each other every now an’ then.”

More like they ran into each other all the time...

“Whatever you say, Jed.” Wea smiled knowingly.

“Y’all’re both crazy.”

“That’s a matter of opinion, lad.”

“Yeesh, I’m goin’ home.” Jedediah stood up before anyone could say anything too embarrassing.

And there was no way he’d tell anyone that he gave a key to his house to the author. Some people would never leave him alone.

 

Before Octavius had went to the waiter’s house, he went to his to drop off his own groceries.

When he entered the waiter’s house, he was immediately met with a familiar cat. Flapjack.

He smiled down at the feline and attempted to find the kitchen. It wasn’t too hard. It was a small house.

As he sat the cereal on the waiter’s kitchen table, Flapjack meowed at him and walked to her bowl. Noting that it was empty, Octavius looked around, “I wonder where he keeps your food...” he looked down at the cat, “Would it be weird if I looked around for it?” he sighed, “Of course it would.”

The cat meowed again.

And Octavius gave in.

He was going to find the poor thing’s food.

And he did.

Octavius filled the cat’s bowl and put the food back where he found it wondering if the waiter would notice if it wasn’t exactly where it was.

“He probably won’t, right?” The author looked at the eating cat, “Its close enough. Wait, no, he’ll definitely notice that you have food. How could he not notice that?” he paused, “Unless he doesn’t pay attention to you... Although, that’s unlikely now that I think about it. Why am I talking to a cat?”

Flapjack didn’t respond.

 

Somehow, and he had no idea how, Octavius had ended up playing with the Texan’s cat. He was going to leave, but his resolve crumbled.

Curse his love of cats.

The waiter would probably murder him.

Octavius heard the door open, and Flapjack ran off.

“Oh, doggone it, Flapjack, get out from under my feet!”

Whoops. The author had definitely meant to be gone before the blond had returned.

As soon as the waiter had stepped foot into his kitchen, he stared at Octavius.

“What in blue blazes are you still doin’ here?”

“Your cat kidnapped me.” Octavius replied from his spot on the floor, “She forced me to stay here and play with her.” He paused, “And feed her.” He stood up and cleared his throat, “It was my full intention to be gone when you returned, but...”

Things often do not go as planned, especially if there are cats involved.

Surprisingly the waiter didn’t seem angry or even a little upset. Instead, he smiled and picked up his feline companion, “Don’t ya know that holdin’ a person hostage is illegal, Flapjack? Imma have to turn ya into the police now.”

Octavius chuckled, “I’m not going to press any charges.”

“Ya should.” The blond glanced at the grocery bag the cereal was in, “So far she ain’t been nuthin’ but a troublemaker.” He sighed and shook his head but his smile remained, “Reminds me of when I was a kid. I used to play pranks on everybody in sight.”

“Did you really?”

“Oh yea, nobody was safe.”

 

Jedediah then realized something very important.

“But, hey, why do we keep talkin’ ‘bout me, huh? Maybe I wanna hear something’ ‘bout you for once, amigo.”

“Like what?” The author raised an eyebrow.

The waiter shrugged, “I dunno. Did ya always wanna be a writer? What’s your favorite hobby? What’s the craziest thing that’s happened to ya all year? Just tell me somethin’.”

“The craziest thing that has ever happened to me was meeting you.” The author raised an eyebrow.

“Rude.”

“Ah, you misunderstand, my dear. Crazy does not always have to be bad, does it?”

Jedediah didn’t reply. He simply sat Flapjack on the floor.

So the author continued, “You coming into my life may have been the craziest thing to have ever happened, but,” he smiled, “it is also the best.”

Jedediah, completely taken aback, blushed, “Now we both know you don’t mean that, hoss.”

It would have been nice if he did though...

“Unless you’re a mind reader, there’s no way you could know that.” The Italian raised an eyebrow skeptically.

“Alright, fine, but it’s highly unlikely that ya mean it.” The Texan crossed his arms defensively.

“Now why would I lie to you?”

“’Cause you’re a giant flirt.”

If Jedediah had learned anything about the author, it was that he enjoyed flirting with the waiter. He, however, didn’t know why, and he probably never would.

“Valid point.” The other man shrugged, “But I can assure you I am not lying.”

“Yea, well, I ain’t no mind reader, so as far I know ya could very well be lyin’ through yer teeth, kemosabe.”

“Do you not trust me?”

“Not as far as I can throw ya.”

“But you gave me a key to you home. Why would you do that if you didn’t trust me?”

Jedediah had no answer, so he replied with a giant grin, “Just get outta my house.”

 

It was a Monday morning, and this was it. Octavius was going to march into The Coffee Corner, and he swore he was going to read that waiter’s nametag.

This had gone on long enough. He and the blond had been dancing around each other for far too long.

Octavius just hoped that the waiter had found his nametag by now.

He slammed he café door open causing both staff and customers to stare at him. Walking in with a purpose, he looked for the Texan.

And found him.

“You, waiter,” Octavius pointed at Smith, “I want a word with you.”

 

Jedediah glanced around the room nervously. He had not signed up for this. The author seemed infuriated, and Jedediah would not figure out why.

Cautiously, he walked over to the dark haired man, “Now listen here, hoss, yer gonna have to calm down.”

If he somehow got into another fight with the customer, he’s lose his job for sure.

The customer briefly glanced to where Jed’s nametag would have been if he had found it. The author placed his hands on the waiter’s shoulders and looked him in the eye, “I have no idea what your name is.”

“What?” The Texan was confused, and he looked over his shoulder only to see that Amelia had facepalmed and everyone else was watching them, “How do you- It’s been- Didn’t you ever read my nametag?!”

“Well, I’m sorry if I would rather stare at your eyes than a pin.”

“I- What?”

“You have very lovely eyes. They’re an amazing shade of blue.” The author retorted causing Jedediah’s face to heat up.

 

Why was this man so attractive?

“You also turn a very nice shade of red.” Octavius leaned forward.

“For the love of- His name is Jedediah!” A female voice – it was probably Amelia – shouted.

“Thank the Gods. This would have been incredibly awkward otherwise.”

 

Why was this guy so close?

“Wh-What would have been-“ Jedediah had no idea what was going on.

This guy was glad his name was Jedediah, so was this Octavius? Were they actually soulmates? Was that they reason they kept running into each other?

Jedediah was very, very confused.

“I’m going to kiss you.”

... Wow. Okay.

What?

“Y-Ya haven’t even properly introduced yerself. ‘Sides I’m workin’ and-“

“Octavius. My name is Octavius, and I have put this off for long enough.

“Wait! Wha-“

And then Jedediah was being kissed.

 

Before the waiter had a chance to respond, Octavius pulled away.

“If Jed continues to beat around the bush after this,” Amelia began, “I’m going to punch him.”

“I’m assuming you don’t mean he was literally beating around a bush...” Lancelot stated obviously confused.

“Of course I don’t, Lance...”

Jedediah just stared at the author.

“Hey, uh, Jed, you okay?” Larry asked from the cash register.

“I think you broke him.” Ahkmenrah raised an eyebrow.

“Smith, why are you just standing there?” McPhee chose that moment to return from the back room.

“Uh...”

Amelia rolled her eyes, “Jed’s soulmate kissed him, and he wasn’t prepared for it. At all.”

“My apologies.” Octavius cleared his throat nervously.

“Are you one of our regulars?”

“I am.”

McPhee sighed and went to inspect Jedediah, “Miss Earhart, would you please take Smith home? Tell him to come in bright and early tomorrow morning, and if he’s late, I’ll fire him.” he shook his head, “He’s useless to the café at the moment.

“Yea, sure.” The redhead stood up and walked over to the Texan and Italian. She took hold of Jedediah’s wrist and started to drag him out of the café, “C’mon, Jeddy.”

“Um...”

“Should I come with you?” Octavius questioned slightly embarrassed. This had not gone at all like he thought it would. Not that he had actually though very hard about the consequences his actions would bring.

“Probably not.” Amelia smiled, “Give him a little recovery time.”

“R-Right.”

This had not gone over well at all.

 

“I can’t believe I froze like that!” Jedediah whined into a pillow on his couch knowing full well that Amelia was standing near him.

“Oh, Jed, it’s not that bad.” The redhead said soothingly, “You know, when George told me we were soulmates, I punched him.”

“Twice. Yea, I do know.” The blond looked up at her, “That don’t actually help me though.” He groaned and buried his face back into the pillow, “I was hopin’ he was my soulmate, but I thought that was impossible, and now I find out he is, and he kissed me, Am – did you see that – and I froze. I froze, ‘Melia.”

The female huffed, “Listen, all you have to do is go up to him and talk, Jed. Just talk.”

“I’m moving back to Texas.”

“I’ll be sure to mail your soulmate to you first class.”

“Please don’t.”

“Oh, golly, Jedediah, stop being such a baby.”

“I ain’t bein’ a baby, Am! I froze. That’s nearly as bad as you punchin’ yer soulmate.” The Texan sat up slowly.

The redhead ran a hand through her short hair, “Jed, it was a perfectly natural reaction that could have happened to anyone!”

“But-“

“Just go talk to him!”

“O-Okay...”

 

Octavius sighed deeply and sat on his couch after quickly tiring of needless pacing. After making his huge mistake, he had gone home.

He couldn’t believe he had just kissed Jedediah like that.

“I am a fool, aren’t I?”

They were soulmates, but that didn’t mean the Texan had to forgive him for kissing him without warning.

“Well, I did say I was going to kiss him, didn’t I?”

Not much of a warning though.

Octavius wouldn’t be surprised if Jedediah never wanted to even look at him again.

Letting out another sigh, he head a knock on the door.

 

Jedediah shifted nervously as he stood out Octavius’ house...

Maybe he’s be lucky, and the author wouldn’t be home. Maybe he was still at The Coffee Corner.

The Texan’s hopes were crushed when the door opened revealing a certain dark haired man,

“O-Octavus!”

If asked, Jed would claim he didn’t squeak.

“It’s Octavius.”

The blond felt himself start to blush. He cleared his throat, “Uh, right, um, we, uh, can we talk?”

“Yes, of course, come in please.” The author moved to the side to allow the waiter entry, “I would like to apologies for, erm, my earlier actions.” He shut the door, “I should not have done that.”

“Yea, well, I get it. I’m irrestible, and ya just couldn’t help yerself, right?”

“Right.”

Oh... Well, okay.

Jedediah blushed, “Th-That was a- I didn’t mean – I, uh...” he trailed off attempting not to make a fool of himself.

 

“You might have been joking, but it’s true.” Octavius gestured at the couch willing himself to not turn the same color as Jedediah, “Please, sit.” He watched the blond sit on one side of the couch, “I assume you’re quite angry with me.” He sat on the other side of the couch.

“Still workin’ on that actually.” The Texan admitted, “Am bullied me into talkin’ to ya.” He crossed his arms in what looked like defense, “I ain’t got no clue what to say though.”

“Perhaps I should go first?”

“Knock yerself out, hoss.”

“First of all, I would like to say that I am not actually still angry at you for spilling coffee on me.”

“Gee, thanks.” Jedediah deadpanned.

“Just thought you’d like to know.” Octavius shrugged before clearing his throat and taking a breath, “I, uh,” he should have actually thought about what he was going to say instead of wallowing in self-pity, “I love you.”

Whoops. That’s not what he wanted to say...

But the shade of red the waiter turned was so lovely the author continued, “Somewhere between the banter and the flirting and not knowing your name, I fell in love with you. I hoped more than anything that you were my soulmate, and you are. I-“

“Hold yer horses, hoss.” Jedediah found his voice, “You wanted me to be yer soulmate?”

“Yes.”

“And ya couldn’t’ve taken a second to read my nametag?”

“Is it my fault your eyes are so beautiful?”

“I was wonderin’ when ya’d bring up my eyes again.”

“Well, I like them. Can you blame me?” Octavius questioned, and when Jedediah didn’t reply, he continued, “And what about you? You never learned my name either.”

“You never told me.”

“You never asked, my dear.”

The waiter stuck his tongue out at the author.

“Very mature, Jedediah.”

 

Was it strange that Jedediah like hearing Octavius say his name?

Still though...

“Hey, I know my name’s a bit of a mouthful.” The waiter began, “You can call me Jed or ‘Diah. Lots o’ folks do.”

Octavius seemed to contemplate the idea before shaking his head, “Definitely not. Your name is hardly a mouthful, and I must say I like the sound of it. Jedediah. It’s an interesting name, and I think it suits you. The alternatives are- They are dull.”

Jedediah decided if he wanted to stop blushing he’d have to move back to Texas. No way Octavius would follow him there.

“I, uh, thanks.”

The Italian cleared his throat, “Can I kiss you again?”

Somehow they’d both made their way to the center of the couch

“I- You, um, you-“ Jedediah decided that actions speak louder than words and pressed his lips against the author’s.

 

Octavius was taken by surprise when the Texan kissed him, but he would not let this chance go to waste, and the Italian graciously returned this kiss. Jedediah took hold of Octavius’ sleeves, and the author brought a hand up to the waiter’s cheek.

The smell of coffee and the rough lips that had met his seemed familiar to Octavius somehow. Almost as if they had done this before... But that was impossible...

No, it wan’t...

They had done this before... At a club called The Bar in city called Marshton.

 

Jedediah felt like he was experiencing déjà vu.

The smell of ink and slightly chapped lips meeting his...

Oh, that’s why Amelia wouldn’t tell him who he had been kissing in the club.

It was Octavius.

 

The author pulled away, which was rather difficult since his soulmate followed after him, “I should have done this sooner... Sober.”

“Well, why’d ya stop?”

The Italian shrugged and pressed his lips against the blond’s again. Octavius could have stayed at home and kissed Jedediah for the remainder of the day...

Too bad the Texan’s phone rang.


	11. Or The One Where Kah Has A Fit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kahmunrah gets upset, and McPhee ain't having any of that

When his phone started going off, Jedediah broke the kiss. He glared at his phone before answering, “Hello?”

Octavius wondered who the blond was talking to.

“Whoa, Am, slow down!”

Well, that answered that question.

“Wait, what? Yea, alright, I’ll be there soon.” Jedediah sighed, “Yea, I’ll bring him too.” He looked annoyed, “Well, I would if you’d stop talkin’ an’ let me hang up.” He rolled his eyes and hung up on his redheaded friend.

And Octavius had no doubt that she had been in the middle of a sentence when he did so. The Italian smiled at the Texan, “What was that about, my dear.”

“After I came here, Am went back to The Coffee Corner.” The blond replied standing up, “And Kah showed up not too long after that, and he started makin’ a scene. ‘Parently he found out that I found my soulmate. And McPhee ain’t there to kick him out.” He sighed, “This is ridiculous. Oh, and Am told me to bring you along.”

“Well, we shouldn’t keep her waiting.” Octavius stood up, “Maybe I’ll be able to punch that fiend again.” He took hold of Jedediah’s hand and started leading him to the door.

“Did you really just call Kahkahrah a fiend? What era are we in? Or are we in one o’ yer stories, huh? You writin’ a fantasy novel?

“Don’t judge me.”

 

Entering the coffee shop, the first thing Jedediah saw where flipped tables. Of course, the tables hardly distracted him from the spilt coffee, knocked over chairs, and enraged Kahmunrah, and several other people whose expressions ranged from irritated to highly irritated.

Jedediah ran a hand through his hair, “Well, this was fun. I’m goin’ home now.”

Of course Kahmunrah had heard him. The half-crazed – or maybe fully crazed – Egyptian turned to him and Octavius, “Ah, there you are Jedediah. I’m afraid there is a rumor going around saying that you have found your soulmate.”

The Texan resisted rolling his eyes, “Ain’t no rumor, kemosabe. I really have found him.”

“What do you take me for? An idiot? You’re just saying that because you don’t like me.”

“If ya know that why don’tcha leave me alone.” Jedediah didn’t wait for Kahmunrah to answer, “Don’t mater whatcha think ‘cause it’s true. I found my soulmate.” He pointed at Octavius, who had been glaring at the strange Egyptian, “That’s him.”

“What? But you two have known each other for ages now.”

“Yea, well, we didn’t know each other’s names... It’s real confusin’. But that’s beside the point! Why don’tcha jus’ hit the road, hoss? I think ya’ve caused ‘nough trouble ‘round here. Somebody’s gotta clean up the mess ya made, an’ I don’ think yer gonna wann stick around to help.”

“It wouldn’t be the first time someone had to clean up one of his messes for him.” Ahkmenrah spoke up.

“Oh, hush, you.”

Jedediah continued, “Seriously, though, yer gonna wanna leave before McPhee gets here. If he sees what ya’ve done to the place, well, he’ll get real mad, an’ ain’t none o’ us gonna like that, ‘specially not you.”

“... How do I know he’s really your soulmate?”

“Oh, fer cryin’ out loud!” The Texan wanted to throw a brick at the older Egyptian sibling, “Have I ever lied ‘bout findin’ my soulmate? No, so why would I start now? Jus’ move on, common ramen. Ain’t nuthin’ worth all this hassle.”

“I think he’s has a right to put up such a fuss.” Octavius stated.

“Don’t encourage him.” Larry said looking – and sounding – just about ready to bang his head on the cash register.

“No, wait, I’m curious.” Amelia began, “Whataya mean by that, ace?”

“Well, Jedediah is definitely worth a fight.”

“Dang it, Octavius, now ain’t the time.” Jedediah blushed slightly despite his attempt to be angry. He heard someone coo, but it could have been anyone, so he ignored it, “A-Anyway, clean this up an’ leave or jus’ leave. It don’t much matter to me.” He glanced at Octavius, who looked just about ready to punch Kahmunrah if he didn’t leave then and there. Jedediah made eye contact with Teddy and darted his eyes back to the Italian. The professor seemed to understand the Texan’s message and quietly made his way to a spot behind Octavius without anyone knowing.

If anybody was going to punch Kahmunrah, it would be Jed.

 

Or, apparently, Lancelot.

An hour passed before Kahmunrah finally seemed to grasp that Jedediah and Octavius were indeed soulmates, and everyone was just ten times more irritated than they were before. Several times Octavius had tried to punch Kahmunrah, but several time Teddy had held him back.

And by the time Kahmunrah had begun to understand that Jedediah had actually found his soulmate, he started ranting and raving terrible things about the Texan...

And Lancelot had just punched the Egyptian.

“Jedediah may not like me, and I may not be too fond of him. Perhaps he can be rude, brash, and simply all around unpleasant to be near.”

“You gonna get to yer point, hoss?” Jedediah raised an eyebrow and willed himself to not punch the Brit.

“I’m working on it.” Lancelot muttered before turning his attention back to Kahmunrah, “Despite this, however, he is also generous, kind-hearted, and generally okay to be around.”

“That’s very contradictory.” Kahmunrah pointed out.

“It’s easy to forget the small acts of kindness he does.” Lancelot was obviously ignoring the other man, “I have... Despite how much he hates me, Jedediah has been very generous. Shortly after Gwen found Arthur, Jed found I have no soulmate. He could have left me alone. I thought he would tease me. Instead, he comforted me and got me a job here. After coming to work here, I once forgot my lunch, and he gave me his claiming he wasn’t hungry. However, after lunchbreak, I heard his stomach growl. He risked his job to get Larry and Ahk together, and while this has nothing to do with me, I admire him for it. So, before, you start badmouthing him again, you need to sit down and think.”

“Wait, wait, wait...” Larry looked confused, “Jed, you... You risked your job for Ahk and me?”

Jedediah crossed his arms feeling quite abashed, “Ain’t no big deal. I was jus’ getting’ tired o’ watchin’ y’all dance ‘round each other.”

“To put your job on the line though...” The cashier trailed off.

“Either y’all would’ve gotten together or I’d’ve gotten fired. Either way I wouldn’t’ve had to see y’all desperately wantin’ to be together but doin’ nuthin’ ‘bout it.”

Amelia coughed loudly, “Hypocrite.”

“Shut up, Am.”

The redhead shrugged, “Just saying.”

“Fight me.”

“Okay.”

“No, wait...”

“What’s wrong? Not gonna hit a girl?”

“No, I’m just terrified of you.”

“Good.”

“Stop ignoring me!” Kahmunrah shouted.

“Teddy, please let me go.” Octavius struggled against the professor’s grip.

“No can do, lad. He’s already been punched once.” Theodore wasn’t letting go.

“Yes, but not by me.” The Italian muttered.

“What in the world is going on here?!”

“Howdy, boss...”

“Don’t you ‘howdy’ me, Smith!” McPhee was obviously flabbergasted, “What has happened to me café?”

“Kahmunrah.”

The café owner looked just about ready to explode as he turned towards the angry Egyptian, “I want you out of here now! Who do you think you are coming in here and wrecking everything? I am going to report you to the police, you- you ruffian!”

Kahmunrah sneered at the stout man, “They won’t do anything.”

“Oh, you have no idea who you’re dealing with.” McPhee glared, “I have so many reasons to get you run out of the city for good. Nothing goes on in here that I don’t eventually here about. You have harassed and stalked on my employees, you have vandalized my café, and don’t think I didn’t hear about how you pushed Ahkmenrah into the pool at the party knowing full well he can’t swim. And if you think that’s all the dirt I’ve got on you, well, you sir are gravely mistaken.” He turned to his employee, “And why are you lot just standing there? Clean this mess up while I deal with him!”

Sacajawea looked at the clocked, “My shift is over.”

“Alright, you can leave.”

Larry cleared his throat, “My shift is over, too...”

“Clean up!”

Jedediah wasn’t sure why the cashier had even tried. Of course he let Wea go. Nobody messed with her. She could be scarier than McPhee!

 

Octavius, while he didn’t work at The Coffee Corner, decided to stay and help clean. As did a few of the others who weren’t employees.

Amelia stayed as well but not to help. She just wanted to watch and maybe torment people.

“So, Jeddy, are you and Lance gonna be friends now?”

Octavius saw the Texan and Brit make eye contact shortly before glaring at each other and going back to cleaning. Some things would never change.

“I wouldn’ say friends,” Jedediah began, “but maybe we don’ have to fight all the time.”

Or maybe everything would change.

“So, a truce?” Lancelot raised an eyebrow while mopping up coffee.

“Yea, sure, a truce.” The Texan tossed a table leg in a trash pile, “Ain’t sure how long it’ll last, but...” he trailed off and cleared his throat, “I, uh, I guess should be thankin’ ya fer stickin’ up fer me like ya did. Ya didn’ have to, and I wouldn’ o’ blamed ya if ya hadn’t.”

Octavius decided he had stumbled into an alternate dimension at some point between entering the café and Lancelot punching Kahmunrah...

Speaking of Kahmunrah... McPhee had dragged him by the ear to the back room.

“They haven’t come out yet.” Octavius stated picking up some cups.

Jedediah grimaced, “McPhee’s probably givin’ him a real stern talkin’ to... Don’t nobody deserve that.”

“... Is your boss scary?”

Lancelot laughed, “That’s putting it nicely.”

Larry sat a chair upright, “McPhee can be... Terrifying.” He paused, “When he’s not forgetting words.”

“You kiddin’, Laredo?” Jedediah raised an eyebrow as he and Lance picked up a table and put it back in its original position, “Ya gotta guess what he’s tryin’ to say, and if ya guess wrong...” he trailed off.

“True.” The cashier looked uncomfortable.

And Octavius had to wonder what McPhee’s employees had seen.

“Oh, enough chitchat about your boss, boys.” Amelia crossed her arms, “I’ve got something even better to talk about.”

“And that would be?” The Italian felt like he was going to regret asking.

“Why, you and ‘Diah of course. You two confess your feelings, or did I call before you got the chance?”

Out of the corner of his eye, Octavius could see a sweeping Jedediah blush.

“We got around it... Kind of.”

“Did I interrupt you guys kissing?”

“Geeze, Am, Why’re ya so nosey, huh?” The Texan looked ready to throw the broom at her, “Why’re ya still here anyway? You don’ work here, an’ ya ain’t even cleanin’! Least Tavi is helpin’!”

“Tavi?” Octavius repeated feeling pretty confused.

“A nickname already? You work fast, Jeddy.”

Jedediah threw the broom at Amelia.

And it was at that moment that Kahmunrah exited the backroom and left the café without a single word.

Ahkmenrah raised an eyebrow, “He looked terrified.”

“Good.” Octavius and Jedediah replied in unison.

McPhee walked out of the backroom brushing lint or something off of him. He looked around and sighed, “I suppose now is a good time to remodel, hm? Close the café for a while? Make it better than before?”

“All of your employees are going to die while the café is closed.” Amelia sighed, “Except Wea.”

“... Are you going to murder them?” Octavius asked.

“No, but he’s probably gonna cut off their income while The Coffee Corner is closed.”

“Of course I am.” McPhee huffed, “They won’t be working.”

“Well, it was nice knowin’ y’all.” Jedediah shrugged.

And Octavius got the feeling McPhee was joking about not paying his employees.

 

After they all finished cleaning up The Coffee Corner, Jedediah found himself in Octavius’ living room.

Being practically pinned down on the couch.

And being kissed.

Not that he was complaining.

He just had a thing or two to say.

He turned his head to Octavius didn’t have access to his mouth, “So- So, earlier because Am called,” he squirmed as the other man started kissing his neck, “you were talkin’ ‘bout- ‘bout yer, uh, feelin’s an’ stuff, an’ I didn’ really get a chance to say anythin’, ya know? I, uh...”

Octavius pushed himself up so he was hovering more than a few inches above the Texan, “Have you finally figured out what you want to say?” he smiled.

And Jedediah felt like he could just melt into the couch, “K-Kinda? I just, uh, I- I- I mean, um, I-“ he refused to become a stuttering mess of words and incomplete sentences, “I love you too.”

“Short and to the point.” Octavius kissed the waiter’s lips, “I like it.”

The Texan ignored the author, “A-And if we’re bein’ honest, I maybe kinda wanted you to be my soulmate. I thought you knew my name though because of my nametag, so I didn’t think we were... And I found myself wishin’ that we characters in yer book – people in a world without soulmates... And I ain’t always the best with words, but I know how I feel... Still kinda annoyed that ya didn’ jus’ read my nametag... That’s beside the point though. I love you, and I’m really, really glad yer my soulmate.”

For what felt like forever, Octavius said nothing. Neither of them spoke. Neither of them moved. And Jedediah was getting a tad bit uncomfortable.

And the Octavius smiled, “You’re adorable.”

“No, I ain’t!”


	12. Bonus Smutty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter is nothing but smut. That's it. Just smut. This bonus chapter was written by WolfMeister. You don't HAVE to read this chapter. I mean, you didn't have to read any of this story, but this bonus chapter does not contribute anything to the plot.

Octavius kisses Jedediah passionately, effectively shutting the Texan up, because no one can argue with the author about how adorable Jed is. He tangles his fingers in the fluffy blond locks, intensifying the kiss. Jedediah pushes Octavius back onto the couch as Tavi grabs Jed’s ass, causing the man to moan into his mouth. They pull apart, and Octavius immediately begins to nip at Jedediah’s neck. The waiter whimpers, melting against his soulmate.

“O-Octavius,” he stammers, feeling the Italian smirk against his neck. Octavius shifts underneath Jedediah, accidentally causing friction between both of their already erect members. Both men moan and Jed decides to continue grinding against Octavius’s member. Octavius growls in pleasure, biting down against Jedediah’s neck and leaving a rather large hickey. Jed tugs Octavius’s shirt up, revealing that the author is very muscular.

“Wow,” Jedediah murmurs, running a hand over Octavius’s abs as the Italian removes his shirt, abruptly stopping his hips. Octavius moans, craving for more touch.

“Take your shirt off,” Octavius demands in a husky voice. Jedediah obliges and sits up, and Octavius immediately plants kisses across his chest, slowly making his way up to Jed’s lips.

Octavius’s hands travel down to Jedediah’s belt, swiftly removing it and unzipping his jeans. Tavi cups Jed’s hard cock in his hand, slowly rubbing his palm against it. A loud groan escapes from the Texan’s lips. He leans his head against his soulmate’s shoulder, panting.

“D-damn it, Octavius!” Jedediah breathes out, hands tangled in Octavius’s curls. “Just fuck me already!” Octavius laughs.

“Impatient are we?”

“S-stop teasin’ me!” Jedediah exclaims, bucking his hips into Oct’s hand. Octavius stands up and removes his pants and briefs. Jed lets out a low whistle and slides his pants off as well. Octavius kneels inbetween Jedediah’s open legs, kissing up his thighs. He licks up Jedediah’s shaft, causing a shiver to visibly pass through and his body. A long moan leaves his lips as he leans his head back. The author wraps his lips around the head of Jedediah’s member, slowly moving his head down, taking Jed’s full length into his mouth. Oct feels the Texan’s cock twitch in his mouth, and he hums in amusement. Jedediah whimpers from the vibrations, bucking his hips slightly. Octavius bobs his head up and down, all the while looking up at Jedediah through his lashes.

“C’mere,” Jedediah mutters, voice filled with lust. Octavius rises to meet Jed’s lips. The waiter pulls the author closer, dragging Octavius on top of him. Jedediah wraps his hand around both of their cocks, swiftly moving his hand up and down. Octavius moans, nipping at Jedediah’s ear.

“I thought you wanted me to fuck you,” Octavius whispers, breath ghosting over Jed’s ear. Jedediah slides his hand off their cocks and wraps his legs around Oct’s hips.

“Please,” he barely manages to say, panting.

“I suppose I’ve teased you long enough,” Octavius mutters, smirking down at his soulmate. Jedediah squirms underneath Octavius, showing his impatience. Octavius positions himself, gently pressing his member against Jedediah’s ass. He slowly pushes himself inside, making Jedediah nearly lose his mind. Jed bites his bottom lip hard enough that it begins to bleed. Octavius starts to buck his hips into Jedediah, simultaneously stroking the other man’s cock, which has become slick with pre-cum.

“God Octy,” Jedediah groans as Octavius quickens his pace. Jed runs his hands along Octavius’s chest, stopping to fondle his nipples.

“Jedediah,” Oct moans, close to climax. He rams his hips faster and harder into his lover. Jed pulls Octavius in for a kiss as both men moan into each other’s mouths as they climax. Jedediah’s seed spills out onto the Italian’s hand. Octavius pulls out of Jedediah, collapsing next to him.

“That was,” Jedediah pants. “Wow.” He wraps his arms around Octavius’s torso, nuzzling into his neck.

**Author's Note:**

> McPhee - owns The Coffee Corner. Does he have a soulmate? Yea, I dunno. His coffee shop maybe?  
> Jedediah - waiter at The Coffee Corner. Octavius's soulmate  
> Larry - cashier at The Coffee Corner. Ahkmenrah's soulmate  
> Sacajawea - baker at The Coffee Corner. Teddy's soulmate. duh  
> Lancelot - waiter at The Coffee Corner. No soulmate  
> Octavius - unpublished author. Jed's soulmate. Surprise! Not really.  
> Attila - owns The Tea Shop. Fight me. Soulmate?  
> Amelia - Jed's best friend. Don't ask me how that happened. Nobody other than Jed and Custer know what she does for a living. In fact most people thinks she's unemployed for some reason. Custer's soulmate  
> Custer - Unemployed. Amelia's soulmate  
> Ahkmenrah - student at city college; is majoring at Egyptology. Larry's soulmate  
> Nicky - 19 years old and is taking some time off from school to figure out what he wants to do with his life  
> Teddy - a college history professor names after President Theodore Roosevelt and like quoting him. Wea's soulmate  
> Kahmunrah - no soulmate


End file.
